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Blog Name: Jamie's blog

Lawyers punch each other for your entertainment
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21 November 2014

This Saturday lawyers will beat ten bells out of each other, and you, yes you, can bask in the flying sweat and blood.

Boxing for Buhinga II is a charity white collar boxing competition which will see solicitors entering the ring to raise money for Buhinga Primary School in Fort Portal, Uganda. The school is unhygienic, overcrowded and dilapidated. It is home to 1600 children.

Organised by a Baker & McKenzie associate, the card includes eight lawyers. Four are from Bakers, one is flying the flag for DLA, one is from Taylor Wessing, there's an in-house lawyer from HSBC and another from Ofgem. Their punishing training regime would put Rocky to shame, as would their sobriquets:

- Alistair 'The Cobra' Cox vs Matt 'Fish Head' Savage

- Lou 'Live Wire' Oakley vs Jen 'Rum Punch' Faithful

- Tom 'Bang Bang' Millington vs Craig 'Bone Crusher' Gill

- Ben 'The Whirlwind' Wharfe vs Dunc ‘The Monk’ DiClaudio

- Matt 'The Terror' Totman vs Paul 'Pablo The Punisher' McCormack

- Chris 'The Scythe' Wheatley vs David 'The Sandman' Devsi

- Patrick 'The Indian Cobra' D’Souza vs Imran 'The Psycho' Syed

The first event was held two years ago when the fight of the night featured Ed 'The Executioner' Eccles beheading (figuratively) Chris 'The Cremator' Ashbourne.


And one boxer's mum punching the canvas to urge him on, even after he broke his hand in round one (he won, but now has a metal plate).


The first Boxing for Buhinga raised over £31,000, which was used to build a classroom block, a water-based toilet block for the 800 girls and another toilet block.

Tickets start at £105 and include a champagne reception, 3 course dinner, entertainment including a band and, of course, punching. Lots of punching. Visit
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Scam artist gives me a ticking off for mucking about
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17 November 2014

RollOnFriday gets a ton of junk email, most of which is boring. But sifting through it I found there were people out there who were desperate to give us a fortune.

There was Mrs Bessel Harris, who addressed us as "Prominent User of the Internet", wrote in bold purple and informed us that we'd won $1 million "due to your effort, using internet daily".

Mrs Ana Whalen asked us not to feel sorry for her even though she had been diagnosed with "oesphageal" cancer. Her health had deteriorated so badly she wanted RollOnFriday to distribute $25 million to charities for her. She didn't want us to share her email address though, because she'd "received some emails from some unscrupulous people claiming to be charity organizations and other weird stories".

Kirk Murdoch was "an attorney based in Scotland United Kingdom" who was desperate to share his client's vast legacy after the rightful beneficiaries sadly died in an explosion. Smely Oleg had a lucrative real estate opportunity, Ming Yang needed assistance with "a large amount of money", so did the FBI, while a lady called Kim who said she was "very calm and emotional" just wanted love.

I replied to all of them, and no-one got back to me. Until camera-shy Sadiq, who began with an irresistible opening gambit: "ARE YOU HONEST?"

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Exclusive: Kennedys to sponsor football stand despite rapist player
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12 November 2014

Kennedys has confirmed that it will continue sponsoring Sheffield United's stand despite the club allowing a convicted rapist to train with it.

Ched Evans was convicted of rape in 2012 after he interrupted a teammate having sex with a woman and joined in. She was deemed too drunk to consent and Evans was sentenced to five years. His contract with the club was terminated, but he is now training with the team in what is being seen as his first step towards rejoining the club. While he's paid his dues under the rule of law, 157,000 have signed a petition asking the club not to employ him. One club patron, TV presenter Charlie Webster, said, "He's not just going into a job, he's bandied as a role model, we cheer him on as a role model and he's influencing the next generation of young men who are currently still making their decisions on how to treat women and what sexual mutual consent is". She has quit her involvement with the club in protest.

But not Kennedys. Kennedys sponsors a stand at Bramall Lane stadium called "Kennedy's Kop". When RollOnFriday asked the firm if it would end its sponsorship deal now that Ched was back on the pitch, it said "our understanding is that the club hasn’t yet made any long-term decision about Mr Evans. So, at this stage, it is a matter for the club".

  An own goal yesterday

And it seems nothing will change if Evans returns permanently. In a statement given to RollOnFriday Kennedys said it "does not sponsor ‘the Club’ or it’s ‘players’ - our sponsorship agreement is as official stand sponsors”. As such, "we do not have plans to alter our sponsorship arrangement at this point in time". It is not known how Kennedys staff feel about its hairsplitting stance.
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Partner watches a dreadful advert for his firm for the first time
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05 November 2014

A law firm's good intentions have resulted in a howling dog of a commercial.

The advert is for Sheffield firm SSB, part of the Quality Solicitors network, and if you've never felt your gonads cringe, prepare for an uncomfortable sensation. The star, a young man in a toga waving a spatula, possesses enviable levels of commitment but less range than the lovechild of Rupert Grint and Ron Weasley.

He must have done some horrible things on the casting couch, because he doesn't have one part, he has both of them:


Toga's creative team uploaded their Roman crotchpunch of a video with a description saying it was a "viral advertisement", which was a bit presumptious because at the time no-one had seen it, which is actually the opposite of viral.


But now I've watched it 11 times and their optimism seems well-founded. It truly is "made in the style of the successful Apple campaign 'I'm a PC & I'm a Mac'", in that both have white backgrounds and exist. I phoned up SSB to find out more about the creative process behind Toga and what the reaction had been to it within the firm.

It turns out there's a good reason why it looks like a student film, which is that it is a student film. Partner Jeremy Brooke explained to me that Sheffield University had asked local businesses to give its media studies students an advertising brief so they could get some real-world experience besides unemployment. SSB requested a commercial about the dangers of dying intestate, which to be fair to Ron Grint had to be the short straw assignment.

Jeremy was surprised when I told him that the advert had already gone live. He hadn't seen it and the partners were expecting to watch it in-house for the first time that afternoon, presumably so they could check it was ok before they allowed it to be released on the internet to go viral (well, even more viral. Viral2). However he happily agreed to watch it while I was on the phone, and seemed excited.

If hearing another man's testes retreat into his stomach had been on my bucket list I would be a happy man. Instead I felt like I'd promised Jeremy a BMW and then listened in as he unwrapped a Z8-sized turd. When it was over he sounded like a changed man, a much older man somehow. In a defeated tone of voice he asked, "What would you like me to say?" But that said it all. We both hung up to make our wills.
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Judge confused by cricket
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05 November 2014

A High Court judge presiding over a case involving cricket exposed her shameful ignorance when she had to ask counsel to explain the meaning of sixes and fours.

Justice Beverly Lang was thrown the googly in a planning dispute between East Meon Forge & Cricket Ground Protection Association and East Hampshire District Council. The council had granted permission for another storey to be built on a blacksmith's workshop adjacent to the ground. Robert Fookes, counsel for the association, argued that the extension would be a problem because "sixes and fours are frequently hit by batsmen on to forge land, including the roof of the building itself".

Reviving memories of a golden age when judges were unaware of what a Gazza was and ignorant of The Beatles' status as a popular beat combo, Lang said, "I don’t play cricket - what does that mean?" Fookes explained that sixes were scored when the ball was hit over the boundary line without hitting the ground, while fours "bounced along the ground" first.

    Oh, and that's a big six

When asked for comment, Kevin Pietersen said there was a bullying culture amongst the clerks and accused the stenographer of being "a lazy whiner". .... read more >
Wannabe lawyer jailed for hitting woman with penis
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24 October 2014

A student with hopes of becoming a solicitor has been jailed for slapping a woman in the face with his penis.

John Dale, a criminology student at Nottingham Trent who dreamed of becoming a lawyer, took an unorthodox approach to entering the legal profession when he was at a house party, noticed another guest had fallen asleep, took off his clothes and hit her across the cheek with his cock. 

A friend filmed the hilarious jape on his mobile phone and showed it to workmates, and Dale was arrested. He admitted sexual assualt, but when he was given nine months in prison he appealed on the basis that the sentence was too harsh. In the Court of Appeal his barrister, Trevor Burke QC, conceded that his client's behaviour was "extremely unpleasant", but argued that Dale receives no sexual gratification "where he slaps the flaccid penis on the head of a sleeping woman".

    That defence in full

Burke also said that Dale had agreed to stay away from Nottingham Trent until the object of his afflictions graduated. But the Court of Appeal was unmoved by his sacrifice and refused to overturn the lower court's decision, noting that Dale's victim had endured "obvious and significant distress".

Luckily for Dale, prison loves a joker who's comfortable with dick gags.
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Exclusive: BPP unveils new mascot
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22 October 2014

Holy crow.

BPP CEO Carl Lygo looks nervous. Remember Carl: you don't have to outrun the lion, just the other guy.

RollOnFriday was always of the view that the BPP logo looked more like a breaded cat. But I suppose that wouldn't have worked as well. OR WOULD IT.

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Exclusive: Slater & Gordon lawyers left unable to log in to their computers for 8 weeks
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14 October 2014

Slater & Gordon's plan to take over the world has encountered an error message.

The firm bought Fentons a year ago. But a source tells RollOnFriday that staff at legacy Fentons are spending 80% of their time "doing absolutely nothing" because they can't access Slaters' bespoke software. Instead they have been staring at the "blue screen of death".


Staff do sometimes reach the login screen, but are then immediately booted off the system. The problem has apparently been going on for two months with the combined IT might of legacy Fentons, legacy Pannone and the S&G mothership unable to fix it. Despite presumably turning the computers off and on again thousands of times.

Group IT Head Jonathan Pangrazio told RollOnFriday the issue "has caused great frustration to the affected staff". However he said "the disruptions have not impacted our clients" and that it is "an isolated problem". Pangrazio said that Slater & Gordon is "investing heavily in the UK to establish our standard core applications platform" and that the firm expects “to transition all staff and groups onto this environment in phases over the coming 12 months”. Which means staff may only have to put up with their screens of death for, erm, another year.

Show a Fentons lawyer we care; print this off and take it round to them.
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Exclusive: Top Taylor Wessing partner stands down after pulling trainee
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14 October 2014

One of Taylor Wessing's most senior partners is stepping down after making out with a first year trainee.

The partner is head of a department - RoF isn't naming him in case it identifies the unfortunate trainee - and copped off with the trainee at a party the firm held to welcome its new intake. There's no suggestion of any coercion. As Mrs Merton might put it, the trainee was presumably immediately attracted to a man who was old enough to be her father but with several million in the bank. But his colleagues took a dim view of his falling foul of the hamburger principle* and he has now stepped down from his management position.
    How it might have looked - an artist's impression 
The trainee still has to see him at work every day, which must be uncomfortable for everyone. And he will presumably still have some influence on her future career - he may have fallen on his sword but he's still an equity partner in the firm. As is generally the case with these things, one of them will probably move on in a couple of years. And it's not likely to be the partner...

A spokeswoman for Taylor Wessing told RollOnFriday, "This is an isolated incident and one which the firm takes extremely seriously. The partner in question has reflected on his behaviour; he has decided to step down and is no longer in a leadership position".

In order to preserve anonymity comments will not be appearing for this blog.

*don't get your meat where you get your bread...

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Apprentice claims she's a Glamorous Solicitor
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08 October 2014

The Apprentice is back on the telly, whittling down tomorrow's business leaders until only one is left to sell remaindered Amstrad fax-phones for a baron with a head like the herniated scrotum of an elderly gentleman. But a contestant has already made a grievous error, before they've even had a chance to market raw chicken as sushi, name a line of dolls i-SIS or brag to Sir Alan that they're so far outside the box they're in a xob.

"Scarce supply"? In RollOnFriday's experience the profession is rammed with Glamorous Solicitors.

No doubt the contestant wanted to remain an anonymous silhouette after burbling such foolishness, but unfortunately the BBC wouldn't let her.

Hmm. So, is Lauren Riley really a Glamorous Solicitor? It takes a special type of person to win that title.

Riley is a family law solicitor at Labrums LLP in St Albans. She is also the only member of staff who opted for a glossy professional portrait.

Poorly-lit? Check. Strangely-composed? Check. Pick Up Sticks glued to the wall? Check. Riley's colleagues have identifed the optimal conditions for glamour, unlike Riley. I'm afraid she's got a long way to go before she can declare herself a member of the profession's most envied club.

Let's hope Riley's commercial awareness is better than her awareness of Glamorous Solicitors, otherwise she won't stand a chance against her ex-Slaughter and May rival.

Though there is one consolation. Riley has her own website:


Though none are Glamorous standard, the sheer profusion of photographs, along with observations such as "Lauren is best described as a social butterfly and a whirlwind" (a clever reference to Chaos Theory?) and pink exclamation marks all mean Riley can at least call herself the proprietor of a Bonkers Law Firm Website.
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