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Blog Name: Jamie Hamilton @ RoF

Exclusive: Linkedin lawyer threatens to gun down court
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30 November 2016
Facebook is bad enough.

Mums cranking out photos of their child like we all gave birth to it.



That mean kid who somewhere along the line became a vegan hippy and now posts eight motivational slogans a day.



And horrifying reminders that you were young, once, and partied.



But LinkedIn is worse, because it's facebook for work. At least babies have shiny happy eyes. On LinkedIn they've grown up, smothered the sparkle in their souls and are at a seminar. The veggy guy's militant pacifism on facebook is car-crash fascinating. On LinkedIn he just links to Accountacy Age articles. And the only madeleine moment is the shittier-than-it-should-have-been degree listed in your profile, reminding you that you were young, once, and partied too much and were lazy.

Yet even in this arid moonscape of professional facades, pockets of life exist. One is of course Lord Harley, although since his difficulties with the SRA his profile has been comatose. But there are others. Like Altaf Hussain. RollOnFriday has already written about Hussain, the lawyer chairman of Birmingham firm Addison Aaron. He bills himself as "International Lawyer 2015" and has compared himself to James Bond in ways which make no sense at all, and he is a giant amongst Linkedin minnows.

And he's still going great guns, literally. Just last night he posted this, decrying cufflinks:




Yesterday he fell over taking a photo of his sweet ride:




Also yesterday, a selfie at night blasting haterz. Fam doesn't give two sugars:




Also yesterday, so many other things, but most importantly a word of comfort for various Mr Men while Hussain made his foot the highest foot in the area:




Oh, and this, in which he jokingly threatened to massacre a courtroom of people:



"Not the best possible thing to post on LinkedIn...", commented ROF's tipster. Au contraire! It got 15 likes.
.... read more >
The Lawyer Sex Doll Emails Part 3
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30 November 2016

When RollOnFriday received spam from a sex doll manufacturer, I replied asking for 250 of their finest mannequins, but asked for them to be designed specifically for lawyers. The critics (well, one critic but he was pretty adamant) raved about The Lawyer Sex Dolls Emails Part 1:



-so there was no question of publishing Part 2.

To recap, by the end of Part 2, Kevin the sex doll salesman had confirmed that the anus he would puncture into the male sex dolls would be devoid of sharp edges.  He also agreed that when used, every orifice would play the theme tune from Inspector Morse. And with that, we reach the climax of our erotic adventure in silicone:



From: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Sent: Saturday, November 05, 2016
To: "Entity doll"
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

Excellent. A comfortable anus is a convivial anus, as my old mum used to say. Forgive me for straying into personal matters, but you strike me as a man in possession of a comfortable anus yourself. And, I think, a handsome one? As a token of my appreciation for whatever, please model the Male and Female dolls' ani on your own.

If anyone deserves to have thousands of legal professionals battering away at anatomically perfect replicas of their rear orifice while it plays the haunting theme tune from Inspector Morse, it's you Kevin.

I look forward to receipt of the free photos. Keen to use them in a major newspaper campaign to launch Erotic Attorney Ernie and the other one. We haven't fixed on a name for her yet. What do you think she should be called?

Jamie Campfire
Milky Legs
GROSS LTD


From: "Entity doll"  
Sent: Sunday, November 06, 2016
To: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Subject: Re:Re: Re: Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie
Please keep on taking about business. we are selling sex dolls for the ones they really need them, when too alone,and don't have a loved people.

They buy them back as a special wife or husband.

For photos, we are not free as it is not a simple work.

If need us to take photos, our change is USD350.0 , as a Sincerity, we afford some and you pay USD200.0

it is a hard work, we are afraid you won't like the photos even we take them as your request or you will change your mind for how to take the photos.

Maybe  you can buy one back and you can dressed her or him and take photos as your mind?

For Name, we called Alice . You can think about a better Name.

Tks
Kevin


From: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Sent: Sunday, November 06, 2016 at 12:53 PM
To: "Entity doll"
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Inquiry

Hi Kevin
 
No, we are selling sex dolls to anyone prepared to hump a silicone nightmare. Mostly serial killers, I imagine.
 
And that's the reason they must play the evocative theme tune from Inspector Morse when they're being shtupped.
 
Kevin, I must disclose to you that I am working closely with the Metropolitan Police on this matter.
 
They approached me when my adverts for the Sex Dolls first aired on national television during Coronation Street a few days ago. I went in expecting to be arrested for the quite explicit footage I had aired. Instead, Met police commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe himself walked into the room with a tray of Chocolate Digestives and told me he needed a way to track who was using our Lawyer Sex Dolls. He told me it was highly likely that the Lawyer Sex Doll will serve as a so-called gateway drug, and that the same lawyers who caress its cold rubber skin will probably go on to set fire to geese, jump around in supermarkets and kill Duplo whores. Sir Bernard is stepping down from his role and he told me that for him this is a legacy issue.
 
Working with their top people, we discovered that the best way to alert detectives to silicone doll sodomy is to play the theme tune from Inspector Morse out of its bunghole. Apparently the stirring Inspector Morse tune is hardwired into every British bobby's brain. For some unknown evolutionary reason they can hear it from miles away even if it's playing tinnily from a cock-muffled plastic arsehole. Sir Bernard was as shocked as I was when he picked it up from his well-appointed home in Saffron Waldon while I assaulted a mock-up in Chichester. He drove 150 miles down the A3, kicked down the door and burst into my Premier Inn bathroom as I was showering off with a full-size cardboard cut-out of Darth Vader. How we laughed! But it proved the brains were right.
 
They also told Sir Bernard and me why the anus must be an exact replica of your anus. The creases of a sphincter are apparently as unique as fingerprints. Your one-of-a-kind anus, Kevin, will leave a corresponding imprint on the member of the lawyer using a lawyer sex doll. By simply making him or her roll their wang on an inkpad, then pressing it onto a piece of paper, police can prove the suspect was abusing your anus, and use that as evidence against them in court.
 
They said the one flaw is that any lawyer using a sex doll in any intimate way, not just via its bottom, could go on to commit crimes like throwing butter. They said that ideally the mouths, Alice's vjj and the tip of Erotic Attorney Ernie's eric should also be replaced with your anus. And all of them must play Morse, obviously.
 
Can this be done?
 
Jamie Coalembers
Mood Consultant
GROSS Ltd

 

From: "Entity doll"
Sent: Monday, November 07, 2016
To: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Subject: Re:Re: Re: Re: Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

So you will need the sex doll to help the police to crack a criminal case or Arrest the criminal?

Really,it is hard to understand.
For anus, can be unique,but it hard to leave a corresponding imprint on the member of the lawyer using a lawyer sex doll.

And even all things can be produced as your request, how many pcs will you need ?

Tks
Kevin


From: "sir hulk-hogan-howe" <sirbernard@toothfairy.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2016
To: entitydoll@126.com
Cc: siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net
Subject: Project Dummy

Dear Kevin
 
Thank you for your email to Jamie Christmaslights dated 6 November 2016, a printed copy of which was received by my Private Office on 7 November 2016.
 
You have queried the purpose of the Metropolitan Police Service's use of your Lawyer Sex Dolls and the involvement of your anus. I wish to allay any concerns you may have.
 
Firstly, we are not seeking to 'crack' a single case so much as apprehend an entire class of criminal.
 
It seems to me that a person is unarguably culpable of wrongdoing once they lay with a facsimile of a human being, whether or not its realism is diminished by having the head of a muppet and a Chinese man's bum hole instead of a mouth. It is entirely proper that we criminalise such behaviour, and arrest and seek to prosecute those indulging in it.
 
Secondly, it is neither practical nor wise for police to bring such cases without proper evidence of wrongdoing. Imprinting the musculature of your interior sphincter on a suspect's sex organ will provide the necessary level of proof which the Director of Public Prosecutions demands.
 
That brings me to the issue of your future involvement. A successful trial will require you to fulfil three duties:

1.    On each occasion a lawyer is charged with assaulting 'Erotic Attorney Ernie' or 'Alice Juicy QC', you must appear in court.

2.    You must testify on oath that their silicone anus is a true likeness of your own.

3.    Defence experts must be permitted to inspect your anus on the stand. Stirrups will be provided and a curtain if available.
 
The Metropolitan police will pay for your flights and a suite of rooms at London's Buckingham Palace.

Please confirm these arrangements are acceptable. Some of my fellow officers have already queried my judgment in this matter. Without your agreement I will be forced to withdraw the police's considerable financial support for Jamie Christmaslights and he will not be able to purchase a shipment of dolls.
 
In the meantime, Jamie Chistmaslights, who is copied into this email, requires eight complimentary pictures from your company:
 
•    Alice sits at her desk on a Friday night in her wig but otherwise nude, filling out a timesheet while her fellow barristers skip past her for a night on the town.
•    Ernie stands at a urinal with his erect furry penis (with an anus on the end) protruding from his fly, being laughed at by colleagues  because he is biologically incapable of urinating and suffers from priapism.
•    Ernie stands on a table nude, pointing with both hands at his stovepipe with tears streaming down his cheeks as his colleagues look away in embarrassment, except for Alice, who stares up at him from across the room with interest, nude except for her barrister's wig.
•    Ernie and Alice, who is nude except for her barrister's wig, make a mess eating ice cream together, but they don't give a damn!
•    Ernie and Alice, who is completely nude except for the barrister's wig, ride a tandem bike down a busy road.
•    Ernie and Alice, the wind caressing her naked body and blowing through her barrister's wig, hanglide.
•    Ernie and Alice, who is naked and tossing her barrister's wig in the air, celebrate a positive pregnancy test.
•    A baby doll sleeps in a crib as Ernie and Alice, both naked except for Alice's trademark barrister's wig, squat on a human in the master bed whose blurred face is overlaid with the legend IT COULD BE YOU.
 
You have an important part to play in our fight against moral deviancy, Kevin. On behalf of the Metropolitan Police Service, I salute you.
 



From: "Entity doll"
Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2016
To: "sir hulk-hogan-howe" <sirbernard@toothfairy.com>
Subject: Re: Project Dummy

hello sir .we only sell dolls with normal holes.and i can.t fulfil the three duties .tks kevin

发自网易邮箱大师


From: "sir hulk-hogan-howe" <sirbernard@toothfairy.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2016
To: entitydoll@126.com
Cc: siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net
Subject: Re: Re: Project Dummy

Dear Kevin
 
Thank you for your prompt reply. What if I can guarantee a curtain?




From: "Entity doll"
Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2016
To: "sir hulk-hogan-howe" <sirbernard@toothfairy.com>
Subject: Re: Project Dummy

hello sir .we only sell dolls with normal holes.and i can.t fulfil the three duties .tks kevin


发自网易邮箱大师


From: "denise cabangawanger" <denisecb@catlover.com>
Sent: Tuesday, November 08, 2016
To: entitydoll@126.com
Subject: Titchenor - Ref.594/TC-DCB

Dear Kevin

I regret to inform you that Mr Jamie Titchenor, the philanthropic entrepreneur sometimes known as Jamie Candelabra, Jamie Chandelier, Jamie Candlelight, Jamie Campfire, Jamie Coalembers and Jamie Christmaslights, and with whom you were exploring a possible business venture, has bloody died.

He was found in his bath at home by 46 police officers this evening. As far as they can tell, Mr Titchenor taped a CD player to a cardboard display and made love to it. Tragically, the Discman entered the water while it was playing and Mr Titchenor was electrocuted. Here is a disturbing police photo of the scene:

 

His death is not being treated as suspicious. A note left on the cistern indicates that he was attempting an experiment which went badly wrong:

 

I am writing to you because I am a solicitor and I have been appointed the executor of Mr Titchenor's estate.

Mr Titchenor’s last will and testament instructed that his entire wealth should be applied to whatever project he was working on at the time of his death, by way of a gift to any surviving partners who were working with him on that project.

Mr Titchenor led a succession of laudable campaigns during his lifetime, with esteemed partners around the globe. His penultimate project was helping to build wells in Sudan with Kofi Annan. I understand that his next enterprise would have tackled climate change, with David Attenborough's assistance.

However, his current project was building Silicone Lawyer Sex Dolls with you.

Mr Titchenor fell off the wagon shortly before writing to you for the first time, and this absurd endeavour appears to have been the result of his duel with the bottle. He was already seeking help, but, alas, too late. Your project was indisputably his last. With considerable regret, I am therefore required to inform you that you are the sole beneficiary Mr Titchenor’s estate, being £70,267.

To that end, I must tell you that Mr Titchenor leaves behind a 10-month-old son, Jonjon. Jonjon is now orphaned and, unless those who care about him get funding to fight the decision in the courts, he will be sent to his Uncle Bonbon. Bonbon is a damaged and dangerous man who has recently been released from prison, where he was sent for drowning babies by dropping them in a canal, then walking downstream and pushing their heads underwater with the back of a spade to make sure. As you can imagine, Jonjon stands almost no chance with Uncle Bonbon.

You are under no obligation to do so, but if you instruct me to use the £70,267 to save this orphaned baby’s life and have Jonjon rehoused with his kindly Aunt Gonlon instead of Uncle Bonbon, I will gladly do so.

Otherwise, please provide your name and address and I will post you a cheque for £70,267.

I am sorry for your loss.

Kind regards,

Denise

Denise Cabangawanger
Partner
Cabangawanger & Shlangerbanger LLP
Bingo House
10 Coughing Road
Ipswich

 
**********************************************************************
  This email (including any attachments) is confidential and may be privileged. It may be read, copied and used as toilet paper only by the intended recipient. If you have received it in error, please contact the sender immediately by return email with the message STOP. Please then delete both emails, smash your hard drive, perform a lobotomy on yourself and kill anyone you have told. We believe, but do not warrant, that this email and any attachments is absolutely full of virus. You should take full responsibility for virus checking. Cabangawanger & Shlangerbanger reserves the right to monitor all email communications by going through your bins. If the content of this email is personal or unconnected with our business and refers to sexist or racist activities, please forward it to your friends and the media.
 
Cabangawanger & Shlangerbanger LLP is a limited liability partnership registered in Ingerlund Ingerlund Ingerluuund and Way-als under numbers like 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 and 9. It is a law firm authorised and regulated by the Solicitors Regurgitation Authority of Hunnnnnnnnh sorry, doing a sh*t, don't include that bit Margaret. A list of members' members and their relative sizes is open to inspection at Cabangawanger & Shlangerbanger's registered office: Bingo House, 10 Coughing Road, Ipswich, United Kingdom. The term "pardner" is used to refer to a member of Cabangawanger & Shlangerbanger's Cowboy Club or to an employee or consultant with equivalent standing and qualifications. Further details about Cabangawanger & Shlangerbanger LLP can be found on our website at www.rollonfriday.com


***********************************************************************

Haven't heard back, thankfully. 

More junk mail silliness:

Scammer Sadiq Ahmed meets Mr Wibble

Scammer dresses up as a soldier for Randy Testes

Scammer pretends to have a terminal illness, endures Gordon Fathands


.... read more >
KWM partners decide not to save firm
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22 November 2016

The firm which used to be known as SJ Berwin took a large step closer to oblivion today after partners decided not to put their hands in their pockets to save it. 

King & Wood Malleson's European and Middle East offices (which made up SJB before it merged with KWM in 2013) have been in crisis for months. Insiders say more than 50 partners have fled over the last year and the firm's debt stands at around £35m.

Partners were called in to an emergency meeting two weeks ago where they were informed of the gravity of the situation. A few days later, the firm's European Managing and Senior Partners flew to China to beg for help. They got it, with a couple of conditions. Partners were told that their Far Eastern board would bail them out - as long as they stumped up £14 million between them and agreed to be locked in to the firm for 12 months. At least 70 of the firm's 120 partners in Europe and the Middle East had to agree to the deal for it to be viable. They were given until this week to decide whether to share or to shaft.

SJB partners had a reputation for being hard-nosed corporate bastards, and it looks like it may have been well-deserved. A spokeswoman confirmed today that the vote is in - and it is shaft, with too many partners opting to cut their losses and get out.

  "To share, or to shaft? You've made your bets!" 

She said KWM EUME, "has not been able to complete its planned recapitalisation programme", because, "regrettably, insufficient value of new capital was committed". 
 
The situation is now so dire that management has publicly acknowledged that it is looking for a merger (read: takeover) to survive. Even that would be something. This is a horrible way for its staff to see in Christmas. Nevertheless, KWM's spokeswoman said they would "continue to service the needs of clients, operating on a business as usual approach". Doubtless staff will do their best. But unless lawyers (and non-fee-earners) normally work while staring down the barrel of unemployment, circulating their CVs and trying to identify which partners screwed them over, business as usual is going to be difficult.

Read more on Friday. .... read more >
The Lawyer Sex Doll Emails Part 2
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21 November 2016

First read Part 1, because otherwise, I don't know, this is not going to make much sense. Basically RollOnFriday received spam from a sex doll manufacturer and I replied asking for 250 sex dolls designed specifically for lawyers.

To recap, by the end of Part 1, Kevin the sex doll boss was demanding money before he would take photos of his sex dolls dressed as lawyers. I sent him Photoshopped pictures to show him how easy it was to do. They were stupid - but were they stupid enough for Kevin to pack up his sex dolls and leave?

No.

From: Entity doll
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Jamie
Subject: Re:RE: Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie
Good Job and nice pictures.
but it will have difference from ture photos.also the work is different too.
So we don't need to take pictures again right?
Tks

Kevin


From: Jamie
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: 'Entity doll'
Subject: RE: RE: Re: Inquiry

Thanks Kevin.

Yes, I accept that real photos would look different and involve different work.

But we’re getting into a discussion about reality versus artifice now.

And while that’s interesting given that your whole thing here is about convincing people they’re humping someone in a waking coma and not a hunk of plastic with marbles for eyes, it’s not pertinent to our discussion.

By all means take snaps of your filthy sex robots in knock-off lawyer’s clobber. In fact I require them. But any costs you incur are your own to bear.

Jamie


From: Entity doll
Sent: 03 November 2016
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re:RE: RE: Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie
Tks for explaining.
Let's talk about the business.
You have seen the prices on our website, right?
So  you will know the doll is not cheap as Inflatable doll or other half Inflatable doll. If your market can accept this kind of doll?

After we take the photos, what's your plan for it?
You will order directly or will ask a sample?

And you asked about 250 dolls, this is not a small amont. when will you need them? How to delivery them, by sea? which port?
For special place to store the doll,
we have this kind of case, would you think it is suitable?
 

 

 


Tks
Kevin


From: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Sent: Thursday, November 03, 2016
To: entitydoll@126.com
Subject: Inquiry

Hi Kevin
 
Please note my new email address. I now work for myself at my new company, Genitally Realistic Original Silicone Solicitors Limited.
 
Yes I glanced at the prices. $200 a doll or something? I can't afford that but our rich lawyer customers can. But obviously as selling partners I wouldn't pay you anything for the dolls. I'd pay 50% of the wigs, which you've said I'd get a bulk discount on. I could pay you back when the first orders complete.
 
Not keen on a sending 250 sex dolls by ship. Too much like Dracula. Call me superstitious, but the thought of those creepy lust puppets cracking open their storage coffins and running amok is not sexy at all. If they managed to land the boat and scampered off into Southampton we'd kick ourselves.
 
Ideally we should book economy plane seats for them. We could pretend they've been at a law conference in China and tell our customers they got deep vein thrombosis which is why everyone has to pick them up at the gate in wheelchairs.
 
Jamie Chandelier
Chairman
GROSS Ltd


From: "Entity doll"
Sent
: Thursday, November 03, 2016
To: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Subject: Re:Inquiry
 
Hi,Jamie
 
USD200.0 is the charge for taking photos, not for the doll.

as your said, you customers is rich lawyer.they have money to buy a good doll, also major blue balls there.

If fact, we think we have ways to do business and earn money together.

First way,  if you have one customers need it, you can ask he to pay money to you and then you pay us cost of the doll and we can directly send the doll to your customer from china.

The second way,You can ask your customer to pay for us ,then we can give you Commission for every deal.

The third way, We think you can first to do the work, to show the pictures to your customers, then you know how many people will buy , if need buy, you can ask them to give you deposit,and then  can order from us.

USD200.0 for charge of taking good photos will be a little thing for you when you face a big business chance.

For your idea, "Ideally we should book economy plane seats for them", we can ship the doll to your place, and then you can let your customers to pick up them at
at the gate in wheelchairs.

Tks
Kevin


From: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Sent: Thursday, November 03, 2016
To: "Entity doll" <entitydoll@126.com>
Subject: Re: Inquiry

Kev
 
Ok, ship me the sex dolls once I get the orders and I'll take them to the airport.
 
2 things:
 
1. I am concerned about the makeshift anuses you're drilling into the male dolls.
 
2. The dolls need to be changed to reflect a lawyer's fantasy of a sexy lawyer. My design team has done extensive research with algorithms and they say lawyers are attracted to lawyers who look like this:
 

 
 
 
 I think something may have gone wrong with the second one. If it is correct you will need longer crates.
 
Jamie
 
Jamie Candelabra
CEO
GROSS Ltd



From: "Entity doll"  
Sent: Friday, November 04, 2016 at 1:47 AM
To: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Subject: Re:Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie
Tks for email.

1. What's your concern about anuses of male doll? we can make it as your request.
2. Now, it seems you have changed idea about how to dress the doll now.

Can you do a further study with your colleagues and then have a final request about how to dress them.
Then we go on to work about take photos.

3. If fact, we delivery the doll in long crates. paper carton or crates that I send you picture

Tks
Kevin


From: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Sent: Friday, November 04, 2016
To: "Entity doll"
Subject: Re: Re: Inquiry

Hi Kevin
 
Thanks for getting back, I know you're tremendously busy sending out millions of spam emails and hammering together sex dolls.
 
1. My concern with your anus is that it must be comfortable. Any sharp edges up there need to be ground down.  
 
Also, the creative team says ideally your anus should play a tune. Specifically, the theme from Inspector Morse. Apparently it's the latest thing. You need to program those gizmos from musical birthday cards and then shove them up your arses. They trigger on penetration. The Morse theme must play constantly during lovemaking. On climax, a clip plays of Morse saying dismissively, "Lewwwis". Costs should be minimal, but we need to be careful customers aren't electrocuted by the Morse bumhole theme tune function.
 
2. The R&D division ran the numbers again last night. Turns out the Sex Giraffe was an anomaly caused by accidentally surveying giraffes. They've now voided the giraffes' answers. These are the final visuals for the perfect lawyer sex dolls which other lawyers find attractive:
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
From a hygiene perspective, I've been advised that the heads and Male Sex Doll phallus have felt skin so customers should wash those parts in hot soapy water after use to avoid matted fur and rotting.
 
Jamie Candlelight
Director
GROSS Ltd



From: "Entity doll"
Sent: Saturday, November 05, 2016
To: "jamie Titchenor" <siliconesolicitors@humanoid.net>
Subject: Re:Re: Re: Inquiry
 
Dear Jamie
1.  about your concern

The anus is comfortable without Any sharp edges.Both male or female doll can have sex fuction.It is as comfartable as Vagina?

So it has played a tune for you to place music  Morse.

2. For the final visuals for the perfect lawyer sex dolls, so you need us to take a full set photos for the dolls?

Tks
Kevin

*********************

He won't stop. He wants to flog Sex Dolls and he will not stop. There's only one way to get out of this. Find out how next week. .... read more >
The Lawyer Sex Doll Emails Part 1 (Possibly NSFW)
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16 November 2016

The other day my colleague Matthew emailed about an important assignment. Here's what happened.


From: news@rollonfriday.com
Sent: 27 October 2016
To: Jamie; James
Subject: Fwd: Inquiry

Normally I just delete these things immediately. But surely this is an exceptional business opportunity for us?

I am absurdly tardy today. Just out of the tube. I will come in via pret bearing coffee and bacon. Any particular orders?

M

Begin forwarded message:

       From: "Entity Doll"
       Date
: 27 October 2016
       To
: news@rollonfriday.com
       Subject
: Re: Inquiry

Dear Partner

we supply many lifesize entity sex dolls for sale with good price and quality.

Welcome to become our selling partner,we can offer beautiful photos for you to sell and do one drop ship for you.

So you don't need to have large stock and easy to begin your business and earn money.

Tks and best regards

Entity Doll Online
Email: entitydoll@126.com


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 27 October 2016
To: entitydoll@126.com; en5145127969@163.com
Subject: Inquiry

Hi Entity Doll 

We’re extremely interested in this. We believe the London legal community is a market ripe for sex dolls. Pls can you provide some photos and, ideally, a sample doll dressed as a lawyer.

Thanks

Jamie


From: entitydoll 
To: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016
Subject: Re:Inquiry

Dear Jamie

Our website is http://www.entity-doll.com

We have styles and photos and details on line. and many news one will be added soon.
 
For prices,are you  interested in one drop ship  or need to purchase some styles for sale?

If you like any one of them, or would like to sell some styles of them, then we will tell you cost from us.

For ship, we do one drop ship for you from shenzhen of china.

Tks and best regards

Contact : Kevin
Entity Doll Online  
Email: entitydoll@126.com


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: Inquiry

Dear Kevin

I have browsed your online catalogue at length but I cannot find a lawyer sex doll?

The nearest thing to a lawyer sex doll I can find is Office Lady Alice: 



Can you send me a picture of her wearing a barrister’s wig or at a desk doing paperwork?

I am also interested in the 145cm Male Sex Doll For Women. 



Can men also use him? If so, please send me a picture of him dressed in a suit like a lawyer would wear instead of mesh Y-fronts, ideally while using the telephone or at a photocopier. Lawyers here will be imagining having an office romance with these beautiful silicone dolls and I need to know they look credible playing the role of a barrister or solicitor.

If the pictures look ok I am interested in placing an initial order of 50 Office Lady Alices and 200 Male Sex Dolls For Women. Can you handle an order of this magnitude?

Just to be clear, I intend to resell the dolls to frustrated lawyers in London and the UK. They currently use real people, blow-up dolls or their imagination. I would like to repeat the following statements you use in your promotional literature to convince them to abandon these inferior methods of release: 

There are many reasons for buying a sex doll, but here are just a few of the many benefits.

-Easy sex with a beautiful girl anytime day or night

-No condoms ever needed

-No STDs

-No fear of pregnancy

-Your sex doll isn't needy and won't ask anything from you

-Help improve sexual stamina

-Silicone sex dolls have limbs that move and bend to offer you so many different sexual positions

-Fully inflatable sex dolls are low priced, but they can pop very easily and then you don't have a doll anymore.”


You also describe a care routine:

“After you have finished using her to your satisfaction, simply wash her off with warm water which has a small amount of mild soap added to it. Rinse her off with clean warm water before drying her thoroughly. Allow her to air dry completely before storing her back in her special place.”

A lot of my potential customers work late and will want to store their chilling dolly in a “special place” in the office. Do they fit in a filing cabinet? If not, are the dolls sufficiently lifelike that they could simply be posed at a desk in the corner? People will probably only be glancing in these lawyers’ rooms occasionally rather than wanting to go in, so they don’t have to be 100% convincing.

Yours

Jamie


From: entitydoll
Sent: 31 October 2016 
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re:RE: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

So nice to get your email.

we like to take photos for you very quickly.
can you give us some pictures of the cloth (suit) and barrister’s wig   you like ?
Then we can find most similar beautiful  cloth and wig ,then dressed them as your request and take photos for you.

For  the 145cm Male Sex Doll For Women,if  you need men can use it,we can product as your request with hole that men can use it too.

We have  filing cabinet as a special place to keep the doll, I will send you pictures for choice tomorrow.


For an initial order of 50 Office Lady Alices and 200 Male Sex Dolls For Women, Yes it is sure we  can handle. Our factory is keeping making dolls everyday  ,materails and moulds all are ready in our warehorse.


Tks
kevin


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: RE: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

Thank you for your rapid response. 

Here is the type of wig for Office Lady Alice:

 

Here is a male lawyer at a photocopier in a suit:

 

Ideally he should be wearing a jacket too, such as in this photo:

 

Please could I see the following photos:

-Office Lady Alice wearing the wig and clothes standing up and giving a speech in court.

-Office Lady Alice wearing JUST a wig while giving a speech in court (I.e. naked).

-The Male Sex Doll at the photocopier in the same pose as the man at the photocopier above .

-The Male Sex Doll at a desk in the same pose as the man in the photo above, clutching a phone (I assume that is possible with the doll’s poseable metal-jointed fingers?). Please can he be fully dressed but with his bellend peeping above the desk.

-Both dolls at a meeting with real human beings, studying paperwork.

That should be sufficient.

To confirm: yes, the Male Sex Doll does need to have an anus.

Thanks

Jamie


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 31 October 2016 
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: RE: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

My directors have asked me to check whether there is a discount available for such a large bulk order. Could you let me know?

Thanks

Jamie


From: entitydoll
Sent: 01 November 2016 
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re:RE: RE: Inquiry

Dear Jamie
we are prepareing to take photos now and it will need some days.

For prices, it is sure we will give  you good discount as bulk price.

Tks
kevin


From: Jamie Hamilton
Sent: 01 November 2016 
To: 'entitydoll'
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Inquiry

Hi Kevin

Days? I thought they would be done more quickly.  Please hurry, major blue balls here.

Good news on the discount though.

Thanks

Jamie


From: Entity doll
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Jamie Hamilton
Subject: Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

tks for reply, it is not so easy, we need to look for right cloth and right places to take the photos.

also need person to do the work.  We also need to spend cost on the work, so could you share the cost together with us,US$350.0 is ok for you for the both style pictures?
and just to show  sincerity to do business with us.

When you got the good pictures, you can directly send to your customers,and purchase order. How do you think?thanks.
and the photos we will only give to you, won't send to others and won't add on our website.

as you said,"Please hurry, major blue balls here.", really a big market chance now.

Best regards
kevin


From: Jamie
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Entity doll
Subject: Re: Inquiry

Kevin

You only need to dress them in a suit and a wig. Surely someone in your office has a suit? You can't all be wearing mesh pants. It doesn't have to be Savile Row. And the wig needn't be genuine horsehair.  Get a novelty one from Amazon. They make them in China, they must be incredibly cheap there.

Then just snap the compliant silicone lawyers on your phone in a room. Any room will do.  I assume you make these infernal creatures indoors. Take the photos there. I'm not asking you to actually smuggle Office Girl Alice into a court room and prop her up in front of a jury wearing nowt but a hairpiece. Mock up your boardroom or something.

 I do intend to attract customers with these photos, but it doesn't have to be perfect. They won't be asking why Martin Lust (working title) doesn't have any deal trophies on his windowsill when his prong's sticking out. They just need a suggestion of reality, enough for them to come

alive with the possibilities , e.g. posing a lawyer standing over them shouting and visibly aroused, while they cry on the floor without fear of rejection or judgment. They don't need you to do the perfect set up, they can do that in their office.

This shouldn't cost you anything it seems to me. Trying to charge $350 makes me nervous that Entity Doll is not the efficient manufacturer of dead eyed love mannequins that I need.

If you can't do it for free I will look elsewhere for my 250 sex dolls.

Jamie


From: Entity doll
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: Jamie
Subject: Re:Re: Inquiry

Dear Jamie

Tks for reply. We understand you words. and our other clients usually let us to take full  photos  
as their request too for  their new style or chosen style dolls.
and then they show to their customers.
and we charge them even more.

believe us, you pay some charge and get good work  pictures and a full set of photos.
this will be much help for cutomers to view how the doll is and buy it. it is not easy for next time to take photos if need more.
we usually take a set photos one time.

Yes, we are buying the cloths and wig now. they should be suitable for the doll.
Thoght the doll is entity doll ,not dead eyed love mannequins,to take photos also need  work.
Even a real people, to show its  beauty and dressed ,also need a good photo taker right?

To show our sincerity,we can afford some charge, and please your company also pay for us some charge as USD200.0

When you order, we can return this charge to you.

Tks
Kevin


From: Jamie
Sent: 02 November 2016
To: 'Entity doll'
Subject: RE: Re: Inquiry

No dice muchacho. I did a passable job in 20 minutes using photoshop. Cost: ZERO. Look, I even did the captions to go on the bus adverts:

SEND HER DOWN!  Barrister Fallopia Tubes is GUILTY...of wanting your body!’

 

‘WORKING LATE!  Stern solicitor Bart Footpath has an ASSet sale to handle! YOURS! Your ass!’

 

‘FRESH MEAT!  New trainees Douglas Fireplace and Cranberry Atlantic are taking down notes...AND THEIR PANTS! And your pants*!’



‘*Lawyer sex dolls have fully poseable but not motorised limbs. Customers will have to take down their own pants and their sex doll’s pants.’

 
20 minutes. What kind of sex doll business are you running here Kevin?

Jamie

*******************************

Will Kevin reply to what is obviously a wind-up? Will I secure an order of Lawyer Sex Dolls? Will you buy one for $2,200? Find out next week.
.... read more >
Someone's Doing Ok Eavesdrop of the Week
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16 November 2016

Overheard on the way into Liverpool Street this morning, a headhunter on the phone:

"The offer is seven million. Obviously that's just your salary and you'll need your bonus on top. I'll try to push them to increase the offer today, but seven million is about what we were after".

I hope this makes you feel better about your day.


.... read more >
A Gun Show in TrumpLand
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02 November 2016

A couple of weeks ago a video emerged of Donald Trump boasting that he grabbed women "by the pussy". The same day, I decided to visit a gun show in Natchez, Mississippi.

I drove there from New Orleans where, in a no-frills diner serving the city’s best poboys (crisp-shelled, fluffy-guts baguettes overflowing with spicily-battered shrimp), I'd got talking to a local about the election. It's not the only conversation in town - there's always sports - but Trumptalk is ubiquitous (and, in fact, NFL ratings have cratered, with pundits blaming a boring season which can't compete with the political fireworks). Only hotel lobbies pretend the country isn't being torn in two. Their TVs are all tuned to the football, so receptionists aren't berated by sane patrons offended by Fox, or Trumpers frothing at the election-rigging going on at every other network.

    I didn't take any pictures of the poboy shack. Here's Nicholas Cage's tomb instead

The poboy customer, a black filmmaker, told me Trump represented the last gasp of an entitled white demographic. To its horror, he said, it is about to become part of just another minority in the US. He seemed relaxed about Trump's chances.

Three hours north they weren't relaxed at all.

Natchez is a pretty little town on the southern bank of the Mississippi. In the 19th century, it was the site of the second largest slave market in America. In the 1960s, it was a Klu Klux Klan stronghold. Racists belonging to an offshoot of the KKK, called the Silver Dollar Group (every member carried a coin minted with the year of his birth), murdered at least eight black men in the area during that time (but got away scott free). So fervent was their fear of equality, the good bhurgers
of Natchez endorsed an order to assassinate Martin Luther King, who took it sufficiently seriously that he refused to stop in the town whenever he had to pass through it.

Today, there is a small museum dedicated to African American history in Natchez, but there are also signs that its ugly past is not completely buried. Some of those signs are literal, like the one for tourists outside a chic antique store which was once a segregated concert hall. It attempts to put a positive spin on Jim Crow, stating that, “although black and white audiences were separated, they could both enjoy the same music”.

And four years ago, letters of the cinema sign advertising Men in Black 3 in 3D, The Avengers and Dark Shadows were rearranged to read, “Niger 3D, Dark, Black Men”.

But on my visit, the signs drawing attention were for the GUN SHOW, held at the drab Civic Center in the middle of town, where pick-up trucks the size of small moons filled the parking lot. Photography was strictly forbidden and, when I paid my $7, a sheriff asked me if I had any concealed weapons and to turn them in.

    Hand stamp/shopping note

Inside, plump folk manned their stalls and plump browsers ambled. The only difference between the gun show and a bric-a-brac sale was the guns. Pistols, hunting rifles, shotguns, semi-automatics.
All available to anyone thanks to the controversial gun show loophole, which means that under federal law sellers are not required to perform background checks on buyers. 

    Hooray, kids under six go free!

I stopped at Greg's stall. Greg bore an uncanny resemblance to James Woods (who happens to also hold pretty extreme views on the election) and was the only person I saw who actually was wild-eyed. Pacing the area in the middle of his rectangle of stalls like, well, James Woods, he was also one of the only stall-holders who wasn't selling lethal weapons, although they might get you killed. Whereas other non-gun sellers flogged night vision goggles or outrageous knives, Greg sold humorous slogan T-shirts.

'ISIS lives SPLATTER'

'Winning hearts and minds ...One in the heart, Two in the mind'

'Infidels for Trump'

Greg was very proud of his slogans. "I made them all up myself,” he said. “Isn't this one great?"  Sniggering, he held up a T-shirt:

'Is it cos I is BLACK?...'

He turned it round.

'Don't be 'haterz'...'

I didn't tell him that all of them would have made me feel like I was wearing John McClane's sandwich board from Die Hard With A Vengeance. Apart from perhaps, 'If you heard the bang, you weren't the target!'

Why Trump, I asked Greg. "He's a businessman. We need America to be run more like a business." Is a businessman whose businesses have gone bankrupt on several occasions the right businessman? "In the US, it's sensible to declare bankruptcy at a certain point,” he said. ”It's good business."

"Look," he allowed, "he's not the ideal candidate." You'd have preferred just about any other billionaire? "Sure." But after a few minutes of talking to Greg, it became clear that he wasn't attracted to Trump just for his business acumen. "In the UK, you've got real problems," Greg informed me. "With Muslims flooding in." He grabbed another T-shirt. "How about this one? So true right?"

'Black GUNS Matter'.

Greg's fears of a deadly African American uprising seemed unfounded, at least in the hall. There were only five black people there, and the two who were stall-holders sold pepper spray. A pair of excessively cheerful young men, it was tempting to read their rictus grins and perspiration as signs of terror. After all, we all knew they were one sudden move away from getting drilled into oblivion by the vigilant browsers.

Bob, a gentle-eyed gun store owner who said he wasn’t voting, convinced me of the fetishist appeal of his wares. He pointed out a chunky silver magnum .357. And how light death could be, in a diminutive lady gun with a pink rubber grip.

Why did people want to carry concealed weapons? "Who do you want to be standing next to if someone bursts in here with a pistol?" he said. "The guy holding a gun for everyone to see, or me carrying a concealed weapon? Who's the bonehead going to shoot at first?" The guy with the gun he can see? "Right."

So do lots of people carry? "Let me put it this way. Everyone in here will be carrying a concealed weapon."  Didn't we have to check them in? "Sure."

Has he ever fired at anyone? "I used to be a bounty hunter. A couple of times back then."  He didn't elaborate. Or believe me when I said that Britain felt pretty safe even though the police mostly carried sticks.

    'Merica!

"Sure there are boneheads here," he said. "That's why if someone takes out a gun for me to look at in my store, I take it right outta their hands. They go, 'It's not loaded!' I open it up. What's in there?" A bullet? "Uh-huh. Always one in the chamber. Always."

A man in a duck-hunter vest sat under a row of hunting prints clipped to a length of twine. On the table in front of him lay a drawing of a chocolate box homestead in small-town USA, with an American flag fluttering in the background and a large mailbox front and centre. "So, what you're gonna do is, you buy one of my artworks," he said, "and I send one of these prints to a fallen soldier's family free of charge, with their name written on the mailbox." That's lovely, I said. "I've had so much support. They're so grateful."

By the exit was a small table manned by a pair of reedy, bespectacled identical twins called Patrick and Paul. They were selling Trump memorabilia, including the must-have of the 2016 election cycle, the Make America Great Again cap.

"Oh, those have been a real pain to get hold of," said Patrick.

"Sure,"
said Paul. "We placed orders with the campaign and it took - oh boy, one batch took over six months to arrive."

"Totally disorganised," said Patrick. If the twins had considered the worrying implications of a Trump administration which could not, in its larval stage, send out some hats, they didn't appear to care.


  Wearing the totemic headgear I felt transformed, virile

Civil War buffs, they recommended a few must-see battlegrounds in the area. I said I could hazard a guess which side they were on. They looked at me uncertainly.
"Confederate," said Patrick. Or Paul. "Our grandpappy fought."

Feeling guilty for fueling the Trumponomy, I nonetheless bought a cap and a 'Trump that Bitch' bumper sticker. As they struggled with the arithmetic, I noticed a small placard hidden amongst the merchandise. It said something in German in gothic script, and I looked away quickly in case they saw me staring.

As I left I realised my Make America Great Again cap was Made in China. Outside, a man in a hurry sat on a bollard loading his new pistol.

    TFW when you can't wait to get home before opening a toy
.... read more >
Come on guys
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31 October 2016

This summer RollOnFriday presented readers with a truly stunning chance to win big in court.

An annoyed person called Merry Fotso contacted us to help him find lawyers to bring a case against Amazon for something it did to him on IMDB, its online film database. Listed his age wrong or named him as the director of Ice Age: Collision Course, I don't know. Anyway he wants his money back from IMDB and to jail Jeff Bezos.

As Merry made abundantly clear, "I cannot lose this case".  'Sumoking' noted in the comments: "Seems legit." Others agreed: "This probably is legit, as anyone who has dealt with this particular brand of litigant in person will know. Everything is fraud, conspiracy and exemplary damages with a mixture of typefaces thrown in for good measure..."

Yet incredibly, somehow, Merry's still waiting for your call.



Come on, what are you waiting for?

He is Merry Fotso and he is against Amazon. .... read more >
Exclusive: Top Farrer & Co partner prosecuted by SRA
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21 October 2016

Farrer & Co's head of Reputation Management is to be prosecuted by the SRA for allegedly suggesting to News International that it should snoop on other lawyers.

In 2011 prominent Farrers partner Julian Pike was subject to a scathing report on Newsnight suggesting that he may have advised News International to place two lawyers acting for phone hacking victims under surveillance, in order to obtain details on their personal lives. 

Pike was subject to unwelcome publicity after admitting that he knew that his client had misled Parliament. And a spokesman for the SRA said at the time that, hypothetically of course, covert filming of opposing lawyers "could be seen to breach Principle 2, which compels solicitors to act with integrity".

And now, a mere five years later, it has indeed decided to prosecute Pike, with the SDT certifying that there is "a case to answer".

    Yikes Pike 

In the course of advising the Murdoch machine on its defence of civil proceedings for phone hacking, alleges the SRA, Pike "gave advice to the effect that his client should undertake or commission surveillance of a solicitor and employed barrister acting for the claimants". He is also accused of having "commissioned a private investigator to undertake investigations" into the lawyers "without proper justification for doing so". 

Pike's hearing is expected next month. Read more next Friday. .... read more >
'Mrs. Michelle Obama' offers millions to ROF
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22 September 2016

Breaking out the champers here. RollOnFriday is about to get very rich.

.... read more >

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