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Main Discussion

Meh, MM and other multiple daters
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Pondu.2017
Posted - 11 January 2017 20:51
What do you guys do if things progress with one person yet you have dates lined up with other people?
Lydia
Posted - 11 January 2017 21:31
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Depends what you mean by progress. Most people tend only to want one partner (although not everyone by any means) and most of us are quite busy so seeing one person once a week and someone else once a week may just about work but if you have a job too and you're busy it is complicated.

In practice most people if they feel really into someone would stop seeing the others or put it on hold for a bit.
Loopy-Lou
Posted - 11 January 2017 21:57
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If you're not exclusive yet, go on the other dates.
Catherine Morland
Posted - 11 January 2017 22:20
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What Lou said.

If it hasn't progressed to exclusity then keep dating.

However, I tend to stop dating other people when I am into someone so I have more free time to see them
Saillaw
Posted - 11 January 2017 22:21
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Generally bin the others unless one of the ones I haven't met yet seems particularly promising. Think I've binned my Sunday coffee date and Saturday night is unconfirmed so looks like just two dates in the next two nights.
nernernernerner
Posted - 11 January 2017 22:21
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I still haven't gotten on tinder.

I just don't have the time.

I'm still waiting for women to ask me out in the street or the tube using their vocal chords rather than their eyes.
🐝 buzz
Posted - 11 January 2017 22:22
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There was me thinking that the OP was asked of specific people and other serial daters rather than Lydia who isn't. My mistake.
litenbjorn
Posted - 11 January 2017 22:28
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What Phoebs said.

I keep dating, but finding someone promising means I tend to be less bothered about lining dates up. I don't think there's been an occasion where I though a date went so well I cancelled others, but there have been a couple of times where I haven't been looking for dates because I'd had high hopes about an upcoming one.
Incakenito
Posted - 12 January 2017 07:54
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I'd go on the others just in case unless you really have a hunch they are non starters. You know what they say about buses....
misshoolie
Posted - 12 January 2017 08:38
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I don't get this

If you've clicked with someone, why would you bother seeing other people? Just in case there's something better? This is a person not a mobile phone upgrade.

No wonder you're all single (except you cupcake)
Cofferdam
Posted - 12 January 2017 08:46
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Note the ladies have relied on the term "exclusive". How does one realise or agree that it is exclusive now.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 09:54
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Progress = physicality

Hoolers, that's kind of the point of my question. I am not internet dating expert so multiple dates are a novelty to me. So I am wondering what the regulars do ...
Saillaw
Posted - 12 January 2017 10:05
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Hoolie I've been on a couple of dates with a girl and there's be no kind of kiss or anything else and not sure I even really feel an attraction but I'm giving it one more date to see what happens. Given that I don't think it's really going anywhere I haven't said no if someone else has suggested a date.
SumoKing
Posted - 12 January 2017 10:13
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Cofferdam
Posted - 12 January 2017 08:46 Report as offensive Report Offensive
Note the ladies have relied on the term "exclusive". How does one realise or agree that it is exclusive now.
______________________________________________________________________

Same way you realise and agree that everything is "fine"
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 12 January 2017 11:13
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Saucer of milk for hools!

It depends I guess. If I really like someone then I'll stop seeing other people. If I'm not sure and seeing how things go I'll keep my options open. I don't sleep with guys straight away so don't run into your specific problem that often. I think I'd find it difficult to be banging two men at the same time.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 11:39
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Meh, it doesn't necessarily have to go the whole way but once the physical bits e.g. even kissing start it must feel weird ....
Loopy-Lou
Posted - 12 January 2017 11:41
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to be fair, hools - from what I understand about dating in Bristol, beggars can't be choosers, eh?

everyone has different dating styles, find what works for you and stick with it.

misshoolie
Posted - 12 January 2017 12:05
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You're weirdly repeatedly bitchy for no apparent reason LL. You know nothing about me
Parsnip
Posted - 12 January 2017 12:09
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i assumed that by "progressed" the OP meant "did the sechs" - which makes it a more difficult question than just if you thought they were ok and were up for seeing them again

Parsnip
Posted - 12 January 2017 12:09
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oh

and what hools said first up
Betty
Posted - 12 January 2017 12:15
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Do what feels right
TDB
Posted - 12 January 2017 12:18
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Bristol is full of hot burds
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 12:20
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I guess if there's no exclusivity talk it's a free for all. But I just don't feel very comfortable hopping from one person to another ...

Multiple dating, fine

Multiple shenanigans, less so
Saillaw
Posted - 12 January 2017 13:33
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Ooops I clearly have the morals of a hyena. Oh hang on I knew that already.
Catherine Morland
Posted - 12 January 2017 13:35
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The best thing about dating is being to snog loads of people
Pinkus
Posted - 12 January 2017 13:37
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As a bloke you learn you're exclusive when you suddenly find out that you can't spend Sunday afternoon in the pub watching football because you've apparently agreed to go to a garden centre instead.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 14:05
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Snogging probably as far as one could go but whence then?
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 14:06
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Where not whence
Mufcsan
Posted - 12 January 2017 14:32
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On physical stuff... it's a timing thing. I can kiss on date with A, then kiss on date with B and continue to see both for a bit. But I wouldn't go back to A if things progress further than kissing with B or vice versa. It's unlikely though, there's usually one I like more and anyone else will naturally fall away when I get too "busy" to see them.
Cofferdam
Posted - 12 January 2017 15:28
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shakes head

Saillaw
Posted - 12 January 2017 15:31
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Tonight's date is off so looking like a much quieter weekend now.
cІubman
Posted - 12 January 2017 15:32
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multiple dating is so noughties. it's multiple mating these days
Saillaw
Posted - 12 January 2017 15:37
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Clubbers I've been doing that for years so I'm clearly a trend setter.
Abbeywell/NSA
Posted - 12 January 2017 15:41
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Keep all options open, I also found a wall calendar and colour coding helped, when I used to do the dating thing in a big way
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 16:38
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Sozzles, the carrier pigeon just got to me
Just reading..
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 16:44
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Bit a masshoosive jump from these assumptions of "meet someone for one drink" is "oh you must be sleeping with them".. If I've even kissed someone it means I like them so wont be doing that with anyone else.

If I meet someone I like then I'll really hope that goes further, but you never know - as discussed recently - there's a 1/4 chance on any date you;; both want to see each other again:
Both keen
Both not keen
One keen, other not
T'other way around

And in a society where until "the conversation" you've no idea if you're object of affection is dating half of the south east it's often a self preservation mechanism to keep meeting up with other people.

As SOON as I've said to someone I like them and they've indicated the same then I stop dating anyone else and in the past they also done the same,.

I think the main issue with all this is we just need to start behaving like adults and communicating with people properly - ditch all the games and the "what iffing".
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 16:45
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Also what Pondu said - cant do multiple shenanigans
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 16:46
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So far the Dates tally is:
1 - fine

1 - awful , arrogant, horrid, asked about my finances and what my house was worth in the current market it (mind your own beeswax!!), not like pics AT ALL

1 - lovely - seeing again

Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 16:48
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And also what liten said - if there's a good prospect I'm less interested in getting back online to sort out arranging others
Cofferdam
Posted - 12 January 2017 16:48
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Nice to read some old school dating sense, mazza
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 17:19
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Nice to read something nice rather than the trolls, coffers
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 17:24
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Whatcha gonna do with Mr Fine?
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 12 January 2017 17:25
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Dunno yet, maybe walk in a park or a museum
Cru de Ville
Posted - 12 January 2017 17:28
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MM - has the stalker ex got the message and left you alone now?
Pondu.2017
Posted - 12 January 2017 17:31
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I'm going to take a date to John Soane, it's that old rof fave that I've never tried ...
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 10:04
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Oops sorry was typing in a rush yesterday and misread Pondu's post..

By "fine" I meant the date was ok, but we weren't each other's cup of tea so left it there so Mr Fine is't the second date.

My seemed lovely is the second date and we are going to do something outsidey Sunday despite the rain!

Cru - hope you are feeling ok with the two new additions..
I'm not sure he's got the message as I thought he had then started the awful messaged again last week but he's now blocked on all meedja channels, my house is free of his stuff that he refused to collect as I took it to a mutual friend and I told him never to contact me again - for the meelionth time so hopefully he'll get the message. The hard thing is that we have mutual friends who knew him before me and don't know half of his behaviour so "dont see what the fuss is about" and still friends with him so we just avoid the subject.
Through them tho I've actually become good friends with another girl he did the same thing too - he'll prob hate that but reap what you sow and all that...

How about you - did you decide to give things ago with Mr Bumble dates again?!
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 10:04
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oh I've never been to John Soame - is it nice?
Cru de Ville
Posted - 13 January 2017 10:33
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Bloody hell - that sounds awful, he sounds like a complete nutter... I hope he gets the message this time.

My new (well, not new, exactly, just improved beyond all recognition ) additions are amazing! There is still a degree of settling to come, and they will end up looking quite different to the way they are now (it'll take several months though), but I am still happier than I could ever have imagined. And the skill of the surgeon, and the care he took just blows me way, there are some areas where you cannot even see the scars, and I'm still only 3 weeks in.

As for my dating life - hmm... Yes, I did, and he is currently trying very hard to convince me that he lurves me for my mind and not just cos I am actually a total sex goddess He really is obsessed with me physically, it's absolutely mental!

I still can't shake the feeling that I am a bright, shiny new toy for him, and that while he is intelligent enough to realise that he needed to show more interest in me (as opposed to just my bits) to keep me around, I'm not convinced by this apparent shift from me as fvckbuddy to me as potential life partner. I'm also not really sure whether I want him as the future Mr Cru!

The next few weeks will be interesting, that's for sure...
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 10:54
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So glad you're happy with the additions - have toyed with the idea myself...
Well at least the ball is your court to decide, which is always empowering.

The only plus side from the mental ex (I'm now not even giving him Ex Mr MM status as the others were worth a mlillion of him) is that it was my decision to make!!

My friend, out of the dating game for 8 months and stauncly anythign Trying ot Meet Peopel wise, joined Happn literally 4 days ago - she's just sent a HUGE whatsapp grooup rant about how awful dating is and only for freakshows to pawn themselves etc - what should Isay in return? YES its awful but hey ho deal with, it we are?!?!
EEK
Gannicus
Posted - 13 January 2017 10:59
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Its not often one sees an adult woman more obsessed with tits than an episode of the Inbetweeners. Good work Cru!
Pondu.2017
Posted - 13 January 2017 11:06
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I did think you meant mr lovely not mr fine, MM!
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 12:31
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great minds then Ponders
What's the John Soame like - good for a rainy day date?
rogermellie
Posted - 13 January 2017 13:37
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Genuinely think that all these apps have totally ruined it for you all, partly through your own doing I have to say. I read these threads and while I have sympathy for many of you, it does seem like most of you are too busy looking into what may be on the horizon rather than focussing on the present.

To be fair I expect a huge number of men talk absolute shite on these apps with a view to getting into your pants, you are all intelligent enough to spot those I would hope.

Personally I think you should pick your favourite, date him for a few weeks and then decide what to do, rather than dating 5 people a week. it isn't a sensible way to find love, but probably an awesome way to get laid


yes yes im a smug married and I admit its a lot to do with luck but you need to help yourselves and these threads just re-affirm your behaviours - which imo are wrong
Catherine Morland
Posted - 13 January 2017 13:39
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John Soames is brilliant, the candle light nights are really good
Loopy-Lou
Posted - 13 January 2017 13:47
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I really want to go to the John Soames.

imo it depends why you're multiple dating. if you're doing it because you think there's someone better that the guy you're seeing just one swipe away, well then yes, you're probably not going to be happy.

on the other hand, if you're doing it, as I did, to keep your expectations in check, to make sure you're not too available for one person and to remind yourself not to put one person on a pedestal, then it does work. Or at least it did for me. YMMV.
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:00
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Rog I totes agree with you and as I'm always saying on here - the first non weird semi decent, doesn't ask to come home with me or what my house is worth semi normal guy I meet then I'm usually happy to meet up again - most of the times tho they are weird or horrible for one of these reasons.

I've already said above am seeing mr Lovely again on Sunday - he's not mytype, but was a genuinely nice guy who's been lovely since as well on the date so I'm giving it a go.

I don't have a pedestal, which helps, I just meet a large number of but jobs.

And yes you are coming across as an out of touch smug married
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:02
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*nut jobs, obvs
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:05
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Tbf your "your behaviours" comment is really patronising.
We post these threads to share experiences of all the weirdos/ freaks/ nut jobs we've encountered which why we carry on going on dates...it's not a constant "see what is much better" unless you've got someone you wouldn't touch with someone else's as the starting point!
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:07
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Guys do this too anyway which perpetuates the whole dating circus - you could be really into someone after date 1 but if they don't like you back it's tough shite and back on the dating wheel...OR like my recent ex - refuse to take no for an answer and stalk the object of your affections on phone, facebook and email til they block you
Pondu.2017
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:12
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That was going to be my point, mm i.e. what if you like someone and they also like you but you're not top of their list or a few days later they meet someone they prefer

The issue is really that you kind of know that everyone else is probably multi dating too

It creates this uncertainty
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:17
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I think you just have to go on gut feel
i.e. my brother HATES online stuff - swore he'd never do it but joined one, had a couple of dates and wasn't keen....left it a few weeks and has met a girl he really liked, told her straight away, she said the same so they arranged date 2 and he's not even going online til he sees how this goes - I've done the same in the past, I've just not met anyone where I'm convinced in a long time that we both like each other the same amount.

If your gut feel is "this is brillliant" then just say so and hopefully she'll say the same - I think the more people that were honest and open, there'd be fewer games and ridiculous "rules" around the whole thing - brilliant article on Huffington Post on this the other day, but I'm quite old school and old fashioned at heart - I only want one guy, hate going on dates but it's just a necessity these days.
Saillaw
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:17
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I just go in bursts and will go on dates for a while and then become disillusioned and give up completely for a while.
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:32
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Ponders... my friend was dating two guys. She liked one more than the other and was going to ditch number 2 in favour of number 1 but he ditched her first. She carried on seeing where things went with number 2 and they got married last summer. Sometimes things can develop. It happens.
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:32
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ach that sounds like she settled tbh
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:33
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I know that life is about compromise and no one ever really ends up with their dream person but it's still pathos to think about
Pondu.2017
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:49
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I kind of agree with Clergles on this one re settled
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 14:50
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I think maybe one of the (potentially) painful things about adulthood is the realisation that Mrs/Miss Good Enough is actually who you're going to end up with (if you're lucky)
Pondu.2017
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:12
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This girl I was seeing last year kept making "jokey" references to other contemporaneous dates and how I was performing well compared to them etc etc. It wasn't the nicest to be reminded it was some kind of weird competition. Although it kind of is.
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:15
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It really isn't

people aren't good or bad, they're just more or less compatible

what's the point of being not you and then damaging your own happiness?

multi-dating is an American thing that we didn't do ten-fifteen years ago
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:16
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and maybe I am just super picky but I just can't believe that everyone else fancies so many people that it's a numbers game

I meet someone and bang

Then nothing for eons

MAYBE two bangs come along at once but it's statistically unlikely
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:16
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Nah, I wouldn't say she settled. She wasn't sure but got to know him better and liked what she saw.
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:18
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I know that, in life, the best things usually take work and that includes making an existing relationship last

but I think that the one exception is attraction - it should take no work at all to want to be with a person

obviously most cultures in the world would call this attitude decadent and wasteful and it depends what you want a marriage for but it is certainly the case that a lot of people marry because "he seems like a good guy" (or, I daresay, she seems like a good girl) rather than "I love him with all my heart and respect and admire him above all others".
Saillaw
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:27
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I'm going on a third date tonight but the second date was almost two years ago. Long old story but she's from overseas and had some family problems so wasn't around much then I got back together with an ex, etc. Will see if we take it back up where we left off or not.
Faoilleach99
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:30
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oo, report back saillaw! you must have felt a zing if you're rekindling
TDB
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:34
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'MAYBE two bangs come along at once'

Sorry are we just going to leave this here?
This place isn't what it was.
Saillaw
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:40
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There was a definite zing but she's pretty intense being a Hungarian who lived in Italy for years. Think she's picked up some of the Italian temper as she has stopped talking to me once or twice.
Lydia
Posted - 13 January 2017 15:56
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Never wise to talk about someone else on a date or an ex or criticise or praise an ex.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 13 January 2017 16:49
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Good luck sailers!!
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 13 January 2017 16:56
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Bonne chance, Rof Daterrati!!
Pondu.2017
Posted - 13 January 2017 17:00
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On the advice of most rofers supra, I have myself agreed to go on a date later
Pondu.2017
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:13
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Sailaw how did it go??

On my side it went both v well and v badly!
rogermellie
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:24
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Got her into bed but failed to get it up perhaps
Saillaw
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:27
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It was good although she hasn't responded to my suggestion that we don't leave it another year before having dinner again...
Saillaw
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:28
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Pondu was it like my classic date where I was pondering the wine list and she said she didn't mind anything apart from sancerre and then when the waiter appeared that was precisely what I ordered.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:34
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Oops

Roger halfway there. Got to bed but later asked her if she was staying the night. She got v angry and stormed out
rogermellie
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:37
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Walk away now mate
Pondu.2017
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:42
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I have. Just another bizarre story for the scrapbook
Saillaw
Posted - 14 January 2017 14:58
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Elementary error Pondu. If she wasn't a cab home she'll let you know. You're better off just mentioning that you've got an early start in the morning if you'd like her to leave.
Cofferdam
Posted - 14 January 2017 16:42
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i thought pondu was a rofette

what sail said at 14.58. You are not 20 year old, pondu.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 14 January 2017 17:39
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But I didn't want her to leave ...
misshoolie
Posted - 14 January 2017 19:03
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Then why on earth did you say anything?

heres a clue: if you are in someone else's bed and they say "are you staying the night?" What you hear is "please leave".
Pondu.2017
Posted - 14 January 2017 20:29
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Funny that, hoolers. She said pretty much that

I was just tired and didn't really think it through. I waa thinking more logistically as her phone had died and just wanted to make sure she was staying and i didn't have to call her uber. She'd also previously said something about an early start
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 16 January 2017 11:34
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Pondu was it a first date? If you like her AND ended up in bed she probs liked you too so just text and smooth things over

Sali - was this the friend of friend you'd not seen for ages? Why not suggest something for a second date?

My first one on Friday went really well and he's keen (got quite keen on the date but I backed off) but I'm not sure - have a few different opinions on things I can't decide are too big a deal to pursue.

My Lovely second date was also good but also some things there I'm not sure about.
Faoilleach99
Posted - 16 January 2017 11:38
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I think storming out was not an adult response (but assume you are actually doing that boy thing of exaggerating: "she went MENTAL" = "she sighed and said she was disappointed")

When men want rid of me they turn on Johann Hari TED talks and fall asleep
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 16 January 2017 11:40
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I agree on the storming out. If she stormed then let her keep on storming in the opposite direction. Ain't nobody got time for drama.
Saillaw
Posted - 16 January 2017 11:42
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MM this was someone off tinder who'd I'd not seen for over a year for various reasons. A very pleasant evening with lots of laughter but not sensing any interest in her part on meeting up again in less than 12 months.

Pondu the answer to your thoughts there is to ask what time you need to set your alarm for. If she's got a really early start she'll then say I should go home so can you sort an uber.
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 16 January 2017 11:44
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Also agreed on poor choice of words ponders. Even amending to "Can you stay?" is a vast improvement.
Maid_Marian02
Posted - 16 January 2017 13:15
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Ponders will know for next time

I don't meet people I fancy enough to take to bed straight away

Maybs this is the prob
It's not Christmehs :(
Posted - 16 January 2017 14:16
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I do on occasion but I postpone nonetheless.
Saillaw
Posted - 16 January 2017 14:42
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Hasn't happened to me in ages.
Trigger Warning
Posted - 16 January 2017 15:37
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Haven't read thread, but: TUN
Pondu.2017
Posted - 16 January 2017 16:45
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Clergles, I really mean she stormed off. Between those words coming out of my mouth and her departure, I reckon about 1 minute passed. And that includes her expressing being very irritated and getting dressed!
misshoolie
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:05
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Was this the moody chick you were going on about a few weeks ago?
Meninist
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:05
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That suggests she didn't have many items of clothing.

Well done.
Force me Jaw
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:12
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I would not be able to get dressed and out of the room in one minute. That takes some doing.
Saillaw
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:20
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I once had a young lady make such a quick exit in the morning that she forgot to actually put her knickers on and I found them on the floor a little later.
misshoolie
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:21
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Oh we've all done that.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:25
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She was still half getting dressed as she got into the lift. Never quite seen anything like it.
Catherine Morland
Posted - 16 January 2017 17:43
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FMJ, have you tried talc in you gimp suit?

may speed things up for you