Asia-Pacific

Check out this week's top Asia-Pacific news on the Asia Pacific Headline page.
  

Follow RoF

For all the breaking news, follow RoF on Twitter and Facebook

         
   
  

My Profile

Check all your messages, update your blog, change your account details,  find friends and much more on the My Profile section.
  

Regional Firms

Thinking of moving out of the City? Regional Inside Info gives you the lowdown on firms in Birmingham, Bristol, Manchester and Leeds.
  

Main Discussion

Rate it
0
Report as offensive
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:12
I don't get this as an issue. I don't have much in common with my siblings, most of my friends or my other half. Why does this matter?
Clergs (!)
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:19
Report as offensive
Awkward WhatsApp convos every couple of months and overcompensatingly expensive gifts on special occasions

Family is no guarantee of commonality
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:24
Report as offensive
I find that odd, hools. You do need some commonality ...
Ash89
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:26
Report as offensive
We just talk about current affairs.

We've united through our hatred of Trump.
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:27
Report as offensive
Yeah but it's like dating apps. If you just ticked boxes they'd pair me with a single parent lawyer.

Oh wait ...

Anyway re siblings you've got the whole of your first 18 years in common.
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:28
Report as offensive
Yeah and that ash.
Clergs (!)
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:28
Report as offensive
You can have nothing in common with a person and still enjoy their company

Or you can have loads in common and really hate them because their every word is an irritating mirror image of your own flawed self
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:31
Report as offensive
Word
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:31
Report as offensive
Oh god is that me clergs?

*frets*
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:37
Report as offensive
I've just spent a few days with my sister and find that her views are so different to mine on everything. Also we were not at all close the first 18 years.
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:44
Report as offensive
Ah, we were incredibly close. Fought like a pack of ferrets but close. Maybe that's the diff - the invisible bonds are still there. I look at a pair of forty somethings but see two little boys who taught me to ride a bike
sad banta
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:46
Report as offensive
Pondu - are you free to behave towards her as you want, or do you have to modify so as not to cause distress to parents or others ? The latter for me.
Clergs (!)
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:48
Report as offensive
Heh! No, hoolz, not u! We agree in good ways only.
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:51
Report as offensive
Well there have been a couple of things over the years that we've never really resolved. I tried to talk about them the other day. But she very much has an ostrich and/or I don't want to complicate my life policy.

They both concern actions by her friends that have been prejudicial to me. It's become clear that her definition of friendship and how she generally views life are anathema to me.
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 11:55
Report as offensive
Is there any point raking up the past? It never goes well
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:03
Report as offensive
True but there was something that we never fully resolved years ago and there was a similar thing at Xmas....

After a while you have to resolve or just make decisions
Clergs (!)
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:05
Report as offensive
Is this the person who stole your ISA identity?
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:07
Report as offensive
No no!
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:08
Report as offensive
What did her friend dooooo?

Need to know before can pass rof judgment. Plus I'm nosey

Probable response: if you lost your job or ended up in jail hiss. If it's j17 high school crap big shrug
hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:08
Report as offensive
Unless you deserved it ofc
Monkeygirkl
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:19
Report as offensive
Having little in common with your sibling is not really the issue Pondu. People who have little in common can usually find something to talk about at the Christmas table.

The issue here is that she has somehow allowed others to cause you hurt/harm and won't discuss it, let alone acknowledge it.

Is it necessary that she acknowledge it though? If it's a grave hurt/harm then you can continue as you are - uncomfortable silence etc, or just cut her off. This may be in the figurative sense (if you are forced to spend special occasions around a table with her to keep the family peace. just ignoring her) or literally, cut her out of your life.

If it's not that grave then let it go.
Spurius Odus
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:40
Report as offensive
"It's become clear that her definition of friendship and how she generally views life are anathema to me."

This is nothing to do with viewing life differently. She just views whatever happened differently. Tell us what it is or we can't really comment.
Ash89
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:46
Report as offensive
We were tight until something happened about 16 years ago. My brother and I didn't talk for about 15 years but we've recently put the past to the side. Now we're back to being close.
Lydia
Posted - 19 March 2017 12:59
Report as offensive
Surely there must be something in common even if just moaning about aspects of your parents (which tends to bond most siblings).

if there are different political views (I don't think there are with the 3 of us) then just talk about something else. Mine live in Cambridge and Harrogate so we don't always get to talk/ meet but we email almost every day of the year
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:10
Report as offensive
Well, a few years ago, a group of us went on a holiday: my sis, hubby, me, friend of my sis from Pakistan and a couple of friends of mine from Europe. We stayed in a place that my mum paid for..

At the time, I was kind of pals with my sis's friend's brother. She spent the first week of the holiday sniping at me at the least available opportunity and making constant unfavourable comparisons with her sibling (the vast majority of which were balls because he was and is no gent). I ignored all of it. During the second week, there was one evening where apropos nothing all of us (inc my visiting mum) ended in a discussion about mispronounced words (yes, we rock!). I disagreed with the friend about a couple of words (yes, I did say they must have mis-taught her). She suddenly just lost her temper, became abusive towards me and then stormed off.

My sis refused to get involved in any of it. Even when this woman blanked me and my friends entirely. It later emerged that the main reason was that this friend had hosted my sis and hubby for a long holiday in Pakistan and she did not want to "offend" her. No apology was ever offered by this girl. Over the last few years, my sis has gone out of her way to stay in touch with this person and will still juggle events where I can't attend because she's there.

For once, I can be sure there was no provocation by me because both my mates backed me (and they can be quite critical).

My sister's view of friendship is oh just hang out, eat, drink, relax and never talk about difficult stuff. She also says she never has any meaningful discussions with these friends and wouldn't care if she never saw them again.

I mean, what the heck??

hoolie is voting lib dem
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:14
Report as offensive
Your sister' friend's brother? Rest of paragraph doesn't make sense in that context. All sounds really fannyish.

You were a dick, your sister's friend was a dick. Shrug.

Also - you can't attend stuff because someone you had a grammar argument with will be there? Srsly?



Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:16
Report as offensive
Hools, I don't agree I was a dick. I did preface my mis-taught comment by saying that was the same for likely all of us

My sis is the one who's never resolved the incident and hosts separate things. So my issue is not with the woman.

If the situation had been reversed, I would have intervened.
Osama
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:19
Report as offensive
what happened re the ISA?

your family sounds a tad dysfunctional
Chambers
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:23
Report as offensive
I don't think I have spoken with my brother all year. We are only a year apart in age and obviously grew up together. We get along fine, but he has his life and I have mine. I suppose its just inertia.
Ash89
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:23
Report as offensive
Honestly, this isn't a big deal, mate.

You need to Let It Go
Pondu.2017
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:29
Report as offensive
Ash I did let it go. But there've been a few more things of the same ilk lately.

It's not the end of the world or anything. But I start wondering what the point is. Blood ties have never mattered much to me. I am voluntarily not close to most, if not all, of my family as I don't feel any commonality.
wango has voted
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:42
Report as offensive
Pondo u do sound like a massive chuffmonkey tbf

Ash89
Posted - 19 March 2017 13:50
Report as offensive
I don't feel close to most of my family because they're a bunch of grade A assholes.

For example, when my grandmother passed away recently, my siblings found out on Facebook and I had to tell my mom. None of her siblings called her. None.

Your sister's inability to defend you or tell off her friend for a minor argument and rude behaviour isn't really a major issue in the grand scheme of things. The question you should ask yourself is - Would my sister help me in my time of need? Would I help her?
Keef has political fatigue
Posted - 19 March 2017 14:55
Report as offensive
My sibling is a remarkably well-grounded given how phenomenally successful I am. A lesser man would have held a grudge or been a bit chippy, but he's been remarkably good natured about it all.
Massive fuckwit
Posted - 19 March 2017 15:09
Report as offensive
Mine only speaks to me when they want something or have something to gain. At any other time they are a source of spite and resentment probably originating with my birth.
Spurius Odus
Posted - 19 March 2017 16:15
Report as offensive
You're actually right after all, you don't have much in common with her. You're a great big drama queen and she cba.
Dogwarden 2016
Posted - 20 March 2017 04:55
Report as offensive
jolijohn
Posted - 19 March 2017 15:58
Report as offensive

Women like this 'friend' with massive unresolved psychological issues, are more and more common these days, and it is best to stay well clear


Stop being a cock jolijohn
This is like a bloke walking down the street with a machete complaining that people seem to be running away from him...... the common factor here may be you....
Bentines
Posted - 20 March 2017 09:39
Report as offensive
heh @ wang