The RollOnFriday Firm of The Year survey gives lawyers the chance to speak freely about their firm. Every year an electronic lorry-load of comments arrives and 2014 was no different. RollOnFriday has sifted through thousands of comments and has selected some of the best, the weirdest, the angriest and, yes, the saddest nuggets, to receive prize-free awards. No comment is representative of the firm from which it's been sent. Except when it is.

Best Friends Forever Award

"Senior associates so far up their own backside they might find Narnia." Pinsent Masons

"Wall to wall tossers. Even Brutus would wear a stab proof vest. Some of the senior associates manage to be on their knees for a partner while simultaneously shitting on juniors." Dentons

"When drinks are organised it's like a wake." Bevan Brittan

A Dentons lawyer prepares for the day

Best Double Check This Survey is Anonymous Award

"Receptionists in Crown Place are not to be messed with - if your client is late you get a look that would turn you to stone." Pinsent Masons

"Secretaries prefer to read up on the Daily Mail than to insert amendments and one is always fearful of disturbing their 'reading time' for fear of waking the beast within." Dentons

"Run by a maniac Managing Partner in an electric blue suit. His mantra is 'Client first, firm second, individual third'. He says it all the time. And he means it." Taylor Wessing

"Partners who would say 'I love lamp'." Freshfields

"If a turd walked into the firm, he/she/it would be a valuable addition to management." Reed Smith

Best Advertising Slogan

"Stuck on a business park miles from anywhere." Blake Lapthorne

"Mistaken for DFS." DWF

"In a relentless drive to the bottom." Parabis

Leave Before It Gets Dark Award

"I am sure there is a ghost in the office." Wragge & Co

"Skeleton on the third floor." Browne Jacobson

Work In The Dark Award

"London reception looks like a bad 80s gay disco." Dundas & Wilson

"There is carpet on the walls." Bond Dickinson

"Windowless offices." Trowers & Hamlins

Work At Home Award

"We have a 'concealed firearms policy' and a 'how to escape from your office if 911 happens again' emergency pack in our desks." Sidley Austin

Don't Leave Work Award

"The prison cells of Cell Block H are luxurious compared to the sleeping pods."  Clifford Chance

Might Never Leave Work Award

"The elevators are starting to die a twitching death and want to take us with them." Clifford Chance

Fat Duck Award

"Static off the firm lifts still enough to fry an egg." Reynolds Porter Chamberlain

"The microwave we have been waiting for over the last decade has now arrived and so far it works." Irwin Mitchell

First World Problem Award

"There has recently been a switch to a cheaper brand of pen, which make an annoying scratchy sound." Macfarlanes

Realist Award

"At the end of the day, every firm is going to screw you, so you may as well get screwed by nice people." Pinsent Masons

"Working at Irwin Mitchell means I don't have to freeze my bollocks off in the dole queue."

"For the pay you get and the constant rogering, you'd be better off with a career as a gigolo." Dentons

Morlock Award

"All the staff from the Sheffield Office were asked to leave work by the fire exit on the night of a client party. Presumably they didn't want the clients seeing their solicitors with holes in their shoes and miserable faces."  Irwin Mitchell

John Lennon Lyric Award

"Imagine waking up to find that you have a Siamese Twin and that it's Lenny Henry. That sums up the mood at Bond Pearce the day the merger with Dickinson Dees was announced." Bond Dickinson

Of course, it wasn't all heartbreak and regret. Dozens of responses referred to love, and not all of them were from Hogan Lovells. Check out the full stats here.