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The 2015 Golden Turd winner
30 January 2015
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The most reviled prize in legal history has a new home.

To a fanfare of terrifying farts, RollOnFriday can reveal that this year's recipient of the Golden Turd is none other than Trowers & Hamlins. With a spectacularly low score of 34%, the firm has come a convincing bottom in the RollOnFriday Firm of the Year 2015 survey.

    Clear a space on the shelf, Trowers

Over 50 points separates Trowers from winner Shearman & Sterling. Staff voted Trowers the second worst in the UK for pay and the worst for career development, with a junior solicitor's claim that training is "non-existent" lent weight by the senior associate who says quality of work "rivals that of a 5 year old with a colouring pencil".

Staff also judged the management the worst in the country, with one making the explosive claim that the firm has become "nothing more than a poorly-run cabal" where "capricious decisions are commonplace" and lawyers unable to find work elsewhere "cement their position by knifing the more capable in the back". Even partners joined in the kicking, wondering if the windows don't open "to stop one ending it all" and ruing the "depressing" view of Slaughter and May next door: "Oh if one had worked harder at school".


  Teacher warned them about the golden poo. They didn't listen.

Speaking of Golden Turds, the firm also came bottom for commodes. Possibly because "people seem to attempt to write their names in urine on the toilet floors". One Trowers associate summed up a day life in the firm simply by linking to a video of a screaming cartoon face saying the word "Derp" over and over again. For ten hours.

However it wasn't all doom and gloom. One lawyer says the firm is home to "a lot of genuinely wonderful people", while
another says she is "still enjoying the job after 7 years, so they must be doing something right".  

Trowers failed to respond to requests for a comment, presumably because management is cringing under the boardroom table.



Charles Russell Speechlys and Parabis came third and second last respectively. Parabis won the Golden Turd last year, and it seems many staff still think it is "awful". Lawyers claim there is a "fundamental distrust of the management by employees", possibly because the "secretive" management is "constantly trying to make people redundant". Even becoming a secondee to one of Parabis' insurance clients is no guarantee of a nice life, with one whispering that Parabis lawyers are "detested by the staff to the extent they call you Parabis Wankers". HR kept things in proportion though, and sent an email telling off employees for "using too much loo roll".
 

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anonymous user
27/05/2016 10:31
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Escaped a reprimand, but I can see them having an uncomfortable time applying for NQ roles at the firm when qualification rolls around...
anonymous user
27/05/2016 10:43
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Does the anonymous user at 10.31 have experience of this? Or is this comment totally unfounded?
anonymous user
27/05/2016 11:11
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Does the AC at 10:43 work for Stephenson Harwood? #NoSenseOfHumour
anonymous user
28/05/2016 00:23
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Do either of the previous commentators have lives #hypocritalert #yawn
anonymous user
28/05/2016 18:32
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If I had my time again I would apply for a training contract there - sounds wild
anonymous user
29/05/2016 18:38
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Anonymous 0023 - if the comments section bores you so, why do you read it? And then add another comment? #attention seeker#extractthatbroomhandlefromyouranus
  

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