After spilling on the best treats, in-house lawyers have told RollOnFriday the worst perks firms foisted on them in 2014.
Sending utter tat was a good way to get nominated. Clyde&Co failed to win over one in-houser with a luggage tag, which he presumes they give out "so you can add it to your toe to identify yourself". Cadwallader sent a Christmas card "signed by people we didn't know", while Allen & Overy relied on the tried and tested standby that never fails to show a firm cares: "they gave us complimentary mouse mats".
A&O delighted another client with a textbook, until "they phoned up and asked us to send it back because it wasn't supposed to be released". But others would kill for a product recall, like the in-house laywer blessed with the "surprisingly depressing" annual gift of Freshfields on Corporate Pensions. Bungled events also figured. The most startling was a mysterious "event" hosted by an unnamed firm which "breached international trade sanctions".
Lots of outings seem to have been ruined simply by the presence of a firm's own solicitors. An in-house lawyer said a trip to Wembley put on by Pinsents Masons was "not worth it" because he "had to talk to them for an afternoon". Another's worst perk is Hill Dickinson's regular offer to upgrade his team's train tickets to first class "so that we can sit with them".
However the best worst perks all had one thing in common: they sound like disastrous first dates. King & Wood Mallesons provided "one lunch, awkward conversation". Freshfields rustled up an "awful turkey Christmas client dinner at an awful restaurant". And Clifford Chance splashed on "sh*tty drinks at dinner time with no food".
At least CC took care of the bill. Hawkswell Kilvington put on a seminar for an in-house team "which we paid for", on top of which a partner "asked for a lift to the station!" The cheek. But there are few things more humiliating than being stood up, and that's why Maclay Murray Spens wins the Worst Perk Award. To the tune of Graham Torrington's Late Night Love, a heartbroken in-house lawyer shares that, "MMS invited me as a corporate guest to a networking Ball at a 5-star hotel", but then, "failed to show up, leaving me sat on my own for the duration of the night". Savage.
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Sending utter tat was a good way to get nominated. Clyde&Co failed to win over one in-houser with a luggage tag, which he presumes they give out "so you can add it to your toe to identify yourself". Cadwallader sent a Christmas card "signed by people we didn't know", while Allen & Overy relied on the tried and tested standby that never fails to show a firm cares: "they gave us complimentary mouse mats".
A&O delighted another client with a textbook, until "they phoned up and asked us to send it back because it wasn't supposed to be released". But others would kill for a product recall, like the in-house laywer blessed with the "surprisingly depressing" annual gift of Freshfields on Corporate Pensions. Bungled events also figured. The most startling was a mysterious "event" hosted by an unnamed firm which "breached international trade sanctions".
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The illegal North Korean lubricant factory tour never failed to wow clients |
Lots of outings seem to have been ruined simply by the presence of a firm's own solicitors. An in-house lawyer said a trip to Wembley put on by Pinsents Masons was "not worth it" because he "had to talk to them for an afternoon". Another's worst perk is Hill Dickinson's regular offer to upgrade his team's train tickets to first class "so that we can sit with them".
However the best worst perks all had one thing in common: they sound like disastrous first dates. King & Wood Mallesons provided "one lunch, awkward conversation". Freshfields rustled up an "awful turkey Christmas client dinner at an awful restaurant". And Clifford Chance splashed on "sh*tty drinks at dinner time with no food".
At least CC took care of the bill. Hawkswell Kilvington put on a seminar for an in-house team "which we paid for", on top of which a partner "asked for a lift to the station!" The cheek. But there are few things more humiliating than being stood up, and that's why Maclay Murray Spens wins the Worst Perk Award. To the tune of Graham Torrington's Late Night Love, a heartbroken in-house lawyer shares that, "MMS invited me as a corporate guest to a networking Ball at a 5-star hotel", but then, "failed to show up, leaving me sat on my own for the duration of the night". Savage.
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