A lawyer has spoken about her terrible experiences in a mouldy flat where the woman sub-letting it gave her 108 rules to obey.

Until recently the lawyer (we’ll call her Evita) was one of five tenants paying €300 each (plus €80 for bills) to stay in a Dublin house sub-let by its sixth tenant, Susi Medeiros. Evita moved out after she had to go to hospital with a lung infection which was caused, she said, by “mould all over the walls and stairs". But she also complained to the local Dublin Tenants Association about the insane list of rules which Medeiros, who called herself 'Miss Firmo', laid down for her sub-tenants.

They cover issues as diverse as the prohibition of drugs, "except prescribed by your doctor and in the right dosage", to the prohibition of heating "after 6pm in any season of the year", including a ban on electrical heaters which "will be confiscated". Because Medeiros feared the effects of bleach on clothing, Rule 26 required Evita to remove her clothes after housecleaning and put them "in a separate plastic bag" which was to be placed in the property's shed. 
 

Susi Medeiros, aka 'Miss Firmo', aka 'Dungeon Master'

Medeiros was particularly firmo about lovers, specifying that tenants were allowed visits from their girlfriend or boyfriend "if it is a relationship longer than a month", and provided that they were "introduced to Miss Firmo one month in advance". And, much like a harsh prison regime, "You will qualify to get visitors only after you are staying without breaking any rules".

Evita was also instructed that, "It is not allowed to walk around naked", which makes sense given Rule 62: "Smile you are on TV! Be advised there are hidden cameras on the common areas of the house". The 12th and final page of rules laid down a complex web of instructions regarding Medeiros' cat, including an order to spray water on it "if it does anything wrong", because "it will learn eventually".

Thankfully Evita broke Rule 72, which forbade tenants from talking about Rule Club, and the Irish Independent subsequently discovered that Medeiros was a serial offender. Evita told the paper, “I didn’t understand at the time, as I thought this is how things were in Ireland”.

108 Rules by RollOnFriday on Scribd