Exclusive: Simpson Millar office boss confronts lawyers over "Milk Scandal"
24 March 2017
An office manager has rejected his lawyers' pleas for more milk in a fantastic email.
The email, leaked to RollOnFriday, reveals that a scandal was brewing (sorry) at Simpson Millar's Manchester office, where lawyers had complained that the firm was forcing them to skimp on milk for their tea. In a profession largely kept afloat by regular and massive infusions of caffeine it was a serious charge. But office manager Michael Tomlin went to rigorous lengths to show that, if anything, there was too much milk going around.
||"Do you remember when the tea ran out and we murdered Karen?"
Tomlin established the facts by citing a scientific, peer-reviewed recipe for the ideal cup of tea:
He then dunked Simpson Millar's office statistics into the mix:
In a summing up which would put certain High Court judges to shame, Tomlin ruled that there would be no extra milk provided. Although because he was a gent, "I will pop out and get some milk for today but this will be the last time".
The firm did not respond to a request for comment on whether staff were surviving what one dubbed the "Manchester Milk scandal