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Best Firm of the Year 2017 comments: Your sickest burns
24 March 2017
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RollOnFriday asked lawyers and law firm staff to speak candidly for the Firm of the Year 2017 survey, and over 4,900 did. Marking the end of the survey for another year, it's time to recognise some of the most illuminating comments received.


The Chocolate Teapot Award

"[Redacted] is about as useful and inspiring as a fart in a bean factory."  Senior Solicitor, Charles Russell Speechlys


The Life Goals Award

"The annual trainee "team building" trip to Romania is fantastic. Brilliant way to get to know everyone. And I've only cried once this year....success!"  Trainee, Addleshaw Goddard


The FAKE NEWS Investigate the LEAKS Award

"The Lawyer hates us and deliberately puts a negative spin on non stories.  Clearly we have a rogue partner who leaks stories to the press, often in advance of the wider partnership even knowing the subject matter."  Partner, Addleshaw Goddard


CAMRA Prize

"The toilets on the 8th floor smell like someone in there is making home brew out of sewage and burnt hair."  Trainee, TLT


If I Do Say So Myself Award

"The quality of the lawyers is top notch with many like me having substantial experience at City firms."  Senior Solicitor, Mills & Reeve


The Not In My Day Award

"Some genuine imbeciles seem to have slipped through the net and got training contracts."  NQ, Baker & McKenzie

Literally Award: Runner Up

"You literally cannot move for cakes and biscuits on the 7th floor."  Trainee, Baker & Mackenzie


Literally Award: Winner

"The partners will literally bend over and take a rear ending from the clients, if they should be so good as to ask.... pathetic."  Solicitor, Bond Dickinson

Cunning Offer Award

"The chef in the Southampton office is very good, and will give you free food if you are not a rude sociopath. On this basis he doesn't give out much."  Solicitor, Bond Dickinson


Lawyer Most Likely to Be Mistaken for a Bunny Boiler

"Who has a fuschia Christmas tree? The brand colours match much of my wardrobe which makes me look a little too keen."  Senior Solicitor, Burges Salmon

The Saatchi Award

"Some feedback on the recent re-brand was that our logo resembled Donald Trump's hairdo. I cannot unsee it." Paralegal, Burges Salmon




The Oldy But A Goody Award

"One of our Real Estate Partners is colour blind - how does he colour his plans then?!" Partner, Burges Salmon

Babylon Zoo Today Award

"Sash windows let in the very loud and repetitive sounds of buskers who know how to play only two songs, both badly."  Senior Solicitor, Clyde & Co


Stonewall Award

"After the latest E&D survey, [redacted] spent a lot of time trying to investigate who wasn't straight in the firm." Solicitor, Blaser Mills


Mr. Sociable Award
"The firm's annual away-day was the nadir of Western civilisation and a compelling recruitment tool for ISIS." Solicitor, Browne Jacobson 


She Doth Protest Too Much Award

"i have to do a lot of weird stuff but it's not like I train child soldiers or anything." Solicitor, Browne Jacobson 


Snakey B Trophy

"Occasionally good Christmas piss-ups where staff collectively drown their sorrows, vomit them up in the hotel lobby, and get the firm banned from returning next year."  Senior Solicitor, BLM


The Red Pill Mens Rights Award

"There is no greater advert for why quota systems are the wrong way to encourage diversity than watching a group of talented male applicants fight it out in a Hunger Games-Esque battle royale as every Red Brick bimbo with a 2:1 in languages plods through the office offering absolutely nothing."  Solicitor, Baker & Mackenzie


The Taylor Wessing Non-Photographic Portrait prize

"The need to call each initiative something starting 'TW':: TW:Create, TW:Diligence, TW:Navigate.  Even the TW:Ats joke has got old now, but that's because the firm has a pitiful record of women promotions and two of the female partners have resigned." Senior Solicitor, Taylor Wessing


The Art of War Award

"The people are incredible! I have only met one person I didn't like during my training contract and she got fired a month later for not fitting into the culture and being generally incompetent."  Solicitor, Hogan Lovells


The PsyOps Advanced Interrogation Techniques Award

"The gym now has flashing lights and loud music to distract us from the fact we haven't left the office in 48 hours."  Support Staff, Hogan Lovells


TMI Trophy

"I have had a hellish three years (including an infertility diagnosis, an abusive relationship and a prolonged court process) (plus a shock pregnancy - though that was wonderful news!) and they have been there for me every step of the way." Solicitor


The Jim Davidson Award

"Virtually every woman in the Leeds office over 35 wears a soft warm cardigan to work every day - none dress like Partners! Come on ladies, sharpen up!!"  Trainee, Plexus

The Jolly Ranchers Award, sponsored by Jolly Ranchers

"The foyer sweets are disgusting Fox's Glacier Mints. In my view the selection could be wildly improved by replacing theses with Jolly Ranchers."  Senior Solicitor, Ashfords


#MagicCircleProblems Award

"No bikini car wash, ball pit or office dog" Support Staff, Linklaters


House Shout Memorial Prize

"Forcing new trainees into an excruciating communal choir exercise as part of their induction. For the love of all things good and right who thought this was even remotely acceptable."
Partner, Clyde & Co


Single White Female Award

"Just a word on Juan Picón - he is a beautiful man, with a beautiful leadership style.  I adore him; I want to go on a date with him to get ice cream, and perhaps afterwards we can go and throw stones at a Dentons' office."
  Support Staff, DLA 


The Joking (Not Joking (Joking (Not Joking))) Award

"PAY US MORE MONEY YOU STINGY F*CKS. Seriously though (says the glorified 25 year old photocopying assistant on nearly twice the national median income)."  

Lawyer, Clyde & Co



Sexiest Solicitor Alive 2017

“One of our senior litigators has serious personal hygiene issues and often looks like he slept on a park bench, yet nobody deals with this.” Solicitor, Bircham Dyson Bell

 

Indian Chief Award

“Partners are truly evil people who have slaughtered a once truly great animal." Solicitor, Olswang

Best Golden Turd Acceptance Speech


“Utterly mismanaged by a bunch of self-interested ****flaps who wouldn't know integrity if it came up and bit them on their corpulent wobbly arses.
Solicitor, KWM

The Tinnitus Award
 
"I REALLY LIKE WORKING HERE. THE LAWYERS ARE FRIENDLY AND DON'T SHOUT AT ME LIKE THEY DID AT BLM" 
Support Staff, Plexus

Thank you for taking part in the survey. Find all the RollOnFriday Firm of the Year 2017 stories here.

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