Exclusive: CMS lawyer rages over firm's coffee

A CMS lawyer has attempted to whip up a storm in a teacup by blasting the firm for not providing sufficiently hot water for his coffee.

The solicitor, who works in one of the newly-inflated CMS Cameron McKenna Nabarro Olswang's northern offices, told RollOnFriday that despite being the "sixth biggest law firm" his branch has had "no drinks machines for the last week". Claiming that kettles were being forbidden for health and safety reasons, he said that instead fee-earners have had to endure "jugs of hot (luke warm) water" being "brought to their kitchens by the kitchen staff".

Unimpressed by support staff who cannot move swiftly enough to provide boiling water on demand, the lawyer said the situation was "a total disgrace".

"I hope Sir doesn't mind that the spit has cooled his water."

A source close to CMS explained that two of the drinks machines in its Sheffield office were being repaired, but expressed surprise that the solicitor was unable to go up or down a floor to use one of the other four dispensers.

And while the disgruntled lawyer claimed that the north was treated like a "poor cousin" in beverage terms, in fact CMS's London office is, according to another source, "probably the only law firm office that I have seen where there is no coffee machine (only instant is available in the kitchens)".

Hot drinks are of course an incredibly delicate matter for the profession, which runs on birthday treats, tears and caffeine. Particularly up north, where in March the Manchester Milkgate Scandal nearly brought Simpson Millar to its knees.

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Comments

"kettles were being forbidden for health and safety reasons"
Wonderful. I recall an insurance client back in the 90s issued an edict that one person per floor was allowed a "bodger" (a metal spike to pierce documents to put them on a treasury tag), and he or she was required to sit within a clearly marked space, within which no other person was permitted to be present.
Though, come to think of it, the things were like ice picks. We all had several in my office. Surprising no one went postal with them, really.

I thought firms had given up on the "No kettles for Health and Safety" bollocks? They were exposed ages ago to be worried about the time it takes for a full kettle to boil and how much it costs and are more happy to take a hit on productivity from people running out of the office to the local Costa/Starbucks/Carluccios (which somehow can broil milk with a steamer despite health and safety) because they don't actually see that, the myopic old buggers

To be fair, a jug of warm water to make a coffee does sound awful!

lol. I thought all lawyers ignored ridiculous rules from on high like "no kettles". They certainly do so here.

There's a kettle in our kitchen approx 15 feet away from me. Total gubbins.

CMS Associate

No kettles because 'health & safety' but "to go up or down a floor to use one of the other four dispensers" is fine?

Employ only mormons (or people like I am who don't drink hot drinks) and your problem is solved.

There are £60 kettles in the kitchens in the london office, because the hot water tap isn't hot enough - so the lawyer concerned needs to mention *that* to the powers that be. Which will probably mean that all the kettles in the London office get taken away since they like to work in opposite world.