A man has been jailed for three months after trying to turn his poo into gold and burning down his flat in the process.

30-year-old Paul Moran, from Enniskillen in Northern Ireland, decided that the solution to his problems lay in voiding his bowels onto an electric heater. It's not entirely clear why he thought this would be his route out of poverty, although at his subsequent trial for arson his brief shed some light on the situation by explaining that Moran had been a drug abuser and was now on anti-psychotic medication.

    An alchemist squeezing one out yesterday 

Sadly all that resulted from the poo / electric fire combination was a very smelly fire, and £3,000 of damage to Moran's block of flats. The fire brigade was called, and Moran confessed to having put "fertiliser" on the heater.

"Rather bizarrely you were attempting to make gold from human faeces", HH Judge McFarland told Moran. "It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist's dream, but wasn't going to succeed" he added patiently.

Moran was sentenced to three months with a further 12 months on licence.

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Comments

Anonymous 21 October 11 10:45

I'm not entirely sure why its appropriate to make light of a man who is mentally ill.

Anonymous 21 October 11 12:07

I take your point... but it's funny for what it is, not because he's mentally ill. It'd be equally as funny if someone of sound mind did it.

Anonymous 01 March 13 11:02

...he's mentally ill because of his own drug abuse...

Nice leap to conclusion without evidence there. 'Quality Solicitors' will snap you up in no time.

Anonymous 07 February 14 12:36

"It's funny for what it is, not because he's mentally ill. It'd be equally as funny if someone of sound mind did it."

Ehh... no-one thinks you're laughing BECAUSE the guy is mentally ill? That would be idiotic.

The objection is that we're laughing at a guy in SPITE of the fact that he's mentally ill. Which is pretty fuckin' questionable behaviour.