According to her website Bernadette Kearns is "Wigan's best-known property lawyer". She could have claimed that title by introducing herself to, ooh, nine people, but instead she made 42 adverts. 42. All of which star Kearns in fancy dress.

The disturbed egomaniac's conveyancer's creative process is simple. First, take a thing. A TV show, Valentine's Day, anything. Then painfully shoehorn in some conveyancing puns, insert an awkward photo of Wigan's best-known property lawyer and, finally, add migraine-inducing graphics. Job done.

Pop on your sunglasses, or better yet a blindfold, and enjoy:

    Rigged



    Derek's weirdest online dating experience


    The House Factor? Ouch


    Even Davros looks happy with those prices

    Essentially it's a laxative

    Kearns, proving there is no such thing as a merciful God

    I see what you did there

    "That's f#**ing sh@*!""


    What happened to Derek?

    Tenuous, Kearns. Very tenuous


    You should try everything once, except Morris Dancing and incest*

    Unwise place to stand

Kearns' ads were mercifully restricted to a gallery on her website and, by the look of them, phoneboxes in the Wigan area. Now Kearns is well on her way to becoming not just Wigan's but the World Wide Web's best-known property lawyer. RollOnFriday apologises.

*(c) Sir Thomas Beecham.
Tip Off ROF

Comments

Anonymous 21 June 13 10:48

The fragrant Bernadette has previously appeared on RoF.

Her fame continues to spread

http://www.rollonfriday.com/Blogs/ReadBlog/tabid/144/id/609/Default.aspx

Anonymous 21 June 13 13:24

Had to check the calendar to make sure it wasn't April 1.
Thanks for the best laugh in a busy week...still pondering why someone is waving to a pie :-)

Roll On Friday 21 June 13 15:48

In the Morris Dancing poem: "Bernadette Kearns' conveyancing team" - tut, tut!

Although I admit that's not the biggest issue!

Roll On Friday 21 June 13 15:56

"Next time I'm buying a house in the Wigan area, I know who to call..."

Good Lord don't go giving her ideas...in her next advert she will be dressed in khaki overalls with a backpack on and sitting in a white 1970's New York ambulance!

Anonymous 21 June 13 17:32

Eh, that's not Davros, that's a Dalek, and if Terry Nation's Estate finds out, she'll be in big trouble. Wouldn't put it past the Beebs lawyers to get on to her for the use of "Doctor Who" either.

I practice in a town close to Wigan, and I've never heard of the woman, so I'm not sure these ads can even be described as "irritating but successful".

Anonymous 21 June 13 20:42

I dunno - I kind of like her willingness to put herself out there in such a loony way! (although she needs apostrophe tips.)