A dad jokes thread

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records but then the librarian asked me to take it out. 

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intents

Why do ant eaters never get sick? They're filled with anty-bodies. 

What do you get if you mix goat DNA with human DNA? Chucked off the farm. 

I hope I die peacefully like my grandad.

 

Not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the bus he was driving 

 

I lost my job at the bank today . An old lady asked if I could check her balance and didn't appreciate it when I pushed her over