As I understand it, my MP, the Home Secretary, is currently busy setting up a special task force to ensure that all those EU lorry drivers (that are obvs totes desperate to come over here to sit for a week in queues on disused runways near Dover to get back to the EU to come over again … esp given the enticing prospect of running out of fuel into the bargain…) do not overstay their 3-month visas (timed to expire on Christmas Eve) and if they try we’ll be ready to instantly deport them (as soon as we can get them to the front of a queue for the ferry or something).

It’s difficult to see how the government’s plan to fix our current problems could possibly go wrong (assuming we’re all starting our diets and dry January on 26 December and not inconsiderate or foolish enough to want to shop, eat or drive very far after 24 December).

In any event, it’s news to me she has time to stretch her arms around Mark Francois (who must be her only serious competitor in the “height to diameter of sphere closest to 1:1 ratio” contest).