At least there's no danger of accidentally beating the clients.

Exploit their weakness. Big drives are just for show. Focus on the short game and the 4ft putting. Arms like ropes. 

Wot Octoman said. Laz, you can still get birdies with a 90-yard drive. You just need a laser-like focus. 

:)

I'd definitely get involved, sounds like fun.

Wear some plus fours and at least you’ll look the part 

so, the consensus is, go along? I can get down the driving range a couple of times between now and then. 

p.s. Tam don’t be a kinky fooker

depends on what sort of coroprate golf day, if it is expressly a day for a bit of fun and a hack when novices are welcome and expected  fine, it is a day for actual golfers taking it seriously with handicaps and stapleford points and all that jazz you will probably find you wont enjoy it..

You're a sturdy lad laz, you could always go along and carry the clubs of a couple of the players.

I thought you've been having lessons?

Agree with Guy - find out if it's just for fun or whether there are Kenny Keenos going.

Thankfully these things seem a bit more casual than a few years ago, when you had  to bring a change of clothes, and then have a formal 3-course dinner in the evening with prizes and speeches...

I once had to go to a corporate golf day which was watching it.  fook me that was boring.  Golf is the most boring spectator sport it is possible to think of.  Also, it rained and the food was shyt and it was in fooking wentworth which is a stupid place.

Good freebies tho, I still have the pair of FTI branded mini binocs

I love watching golf. I used to go every year to watch the PGA at Wentworth. Gr8 course.

I have been having lessons and in fact have played two rounds in the course of those lessons, scoring in the 90s

One of my former partners was a member at Wentworth, so we treated some  nice clients to a round there every few months.

One guy we took had the most bizarre swing - he played all  his shots with a reverse grip, like you see a few players do with putts after they’ve had the yips.

Some of the other members were giving us very funny looks.

If you are scoring in the 90s that is completely respectable, why did you even ask?

i just tell them i can't play golf but i'll come for the drinks

I thought it was pretty poor, I used to score in the 80s and considered myself a poor player. Although I did play quite a lot, teens and twenties 

Stop trolling laz. I'm going to bet 100 quid you have never scored sub 90 on a decent course

its not great obviously but if you are scoring in the 90s you are probably equivalent  a low 20s handicapper which but it is fine for a weekend/corporate golfer.

I am not accepting any wagers today rodge, sorry. Perhaps you could seek some coaching if you are insecure about your game.

p.s. high 80s tbf

On a nine-hole course.

Heh @ dux

There are loads of other things you’ve been doing for at least 20 years with no prospect of success so why not add another to the list?

Practice some very specific shots so you get them just right

- the little chip up and down from just off the green, usually requiring a bigger backswing than advisable but really getting under it so it goes bobbling in but on your version you lift your head and thin it horrendously and send it skittering over the green into the water leaving a skidmark bigger than the one in your pants on the next shot. 

- the drive off the first when surrounded by the two groups, the starter, club players, caddies, visitors, where you wind up for the biiiig one and catch it just on the outer toe of the driver and flash it at 80 degrees to the intended target and into an old lady’s whazzooo who ia bending over to pick her last shot out of the cup on the 18th

- the putt from the fringe where you scuff it in the half cut and the club never makes contact with the ball and you say the C word loudly

- the seventh shot from the bunker where you still zwang it into the cliff face and it rolls back into the ever deeper Somme-like trench you are digging so you hurl your wedge away in disgust and it bounces off the lip and straight back into your balls

I am as well you know perfectly successful in my professional life, and have also succeeded in finding a life partner and having a family; so that’s me 2-0 you

Ooh touchy. Do Aha know about you?

what guy said

You sound like someone who does golf for fun which I applaud. Enjoy it. Do not ruin it by hanging out for a day with Colin ‘Shithead’ Brown and Barry ‘Bazzer’ Bitchslap from Grant Waterhouse Forensics only to win the wooden spoon and be derided for what you quite rightly regard as a game for occasional dalliance but they consider a religion. Barry has Tiger Woods’ face tatooed on his penis. 

You're a sturdy lad laz, you could always go along and carry the clubs of a couple of the players.

Sounds like an Odd Job.

I only ever did one of these things and I invited clients who were equally crap. We immediately fell to the back of proceedings and had a great time taking the piss out of ourselves and each other. 

When I had a 15 handicap I didn't break 90 that often......

Last time I played . Wentworth since you asked, mid 90s. Was pleased tbqh

Golf is fooking rock hard

I agree. Difficult game

Rog, I assume it was on the Edinburgh (or East)…?

Breaking 90 for a 15 handicapper round the West Course would have been going something…

Woburn not Wentworth sorry

I always get those two muddled up

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tNQMbCZqGd4

Let the rope be your teacher. 

Woburn’s still a decent course.

As Alex Hay used  to remind us of every Open…

Why not just go to the pub 

“I have been having lessons and in fact have played two rounds in the course of those lessons, scoring in the 90s”

Did you get it through the windmill first time? That’s a sign of a decent player.

I regularly play golf days for business and am regularly the worst player there 

Still, it's about business not winning 

I’m low teens hcp but the course I play is pretty tough.  Lots of golf days are scrambles which make it fun for people who are shit 

Go along and don't be afraid to pick up if you're slowing things down too much.  Nobody cares as long as you don't lose you're temper and spoil the atmosphere 

just go to swingers at oxford circus instead

As anyone who has seen Laz throw a cricket ball will tell you, the man has incredible hand to eye skills. 

30 minutes on the driving range beforehand and you’ll be golden, sun. 

There are loads of other things you’ve been TALKING OF doing for at least 20 years with no prospect of success so why not add another to the list?

There - fixed it for you.

My first round of golf was aged 30 and at a corporate golf day. It was fine. My group didn't even come last. 

Nor did we have the worst score. 

There are 3 courses at Woburn.  All pretty good (I liked the duchess best) but often I’m influenced by how well I played unless I play the course a few times. It’s shit if I was shit!

There are a couple of good schools in London - where five or six lessons would get you straight. The best is Knightsbridge golf school - they truly are the best teachers / coaches - and actually really good value 

Golf?  Reverse snobbery forbids ... never been a golfist, and do not possess any golf sticks.  

If you are in the high eighties, that is perfectly respectable for a corporate golf day.  I suspect however you are lying. 

Royal St Lollas @ Dux

I would certainly be lying if I had said I were in the high eighties, yes

as if ducks has ever even played golf 

I play a little, but don't have a handicap. 

Now you promised me a game dux. I have to warn you that I've been around Broadwater Park in under 100. 

How much was it Octo?

£6.50 but you'd need to bring a bit more if you want range tokens. The 86yd Pond hole is brutal. 

As long as it’s free once you’ve paid your £6.50 it sounds like a bargain.

What if thou hasn’t played for 45 years  besides crazy glof.