I drink artisanal pinot straight from the nipple of old vine grapes. 

• Utterly ghastly.
• To treat wine with such disrespect is shameful.

Having some fizz here 

My grandma gave up wine as a new year’s resolution and moved onto whisky 

*looks at wine bottle in fridge*

*looks at diary entry for 10pm con call*

*weeps*

• Lemmy was told he had to give up Jack and Coke due to health issues.
• He replaced it with vodka and orange.