Things you would assume Guardian readers don’t do if you read the newspaper

1. Drive or use roads 

2. Fly

3. Wear synthetic fibres

4. Wear animal skins

5. Use social media

6. Eat or use anything not grown or made within a mile if their home

7. Use energy from the grid

8. Use anything containing plastic

9. Visit any capitalist country

10. Pay tax

11. Pay for any health treatment

If everyone was ordered to live life like a Gaurdian reader all the world’s problems would be solved.