A thread to list simple things you've just never quite managed to master

1. Using chopsticks

2. Putting clothes on without getting deodorant marks on them

3. Buttering Ryvita without snapping them in half


Who the heck still eats ryvita

Me, with Benecol and Marmite.  MMMMMMMmmmmmmm

  1. My 4yr old can use chopsticks sun. Sort it.
  2. Put it on after clothes, just snake your arm in there
  3. What csider said

Putting my clothes anywhere but the floor at the end of the day 

Cook steak properly. Achieve a perfect roast potato with fluffy inside and crunchy outside. Achieve root lift that lasts all day.

Despite being terribly coordinated in most ways, skipping with a rope has always defeated me.

And I am happy for it to remain thusly.

Oh guido.  I can’t say I’m not slightly disappointed.

Touch typing 

Not that it matters. I two-finger type at the speed that I think (viz: v. slowly).

I can't tie my shoelaces with a single bow without them coming untied in 5 minutes.  It's very irritating. 

Occam - I have noticed that in recent years ryvita are far more likely to shatter.  I put it down to a reduction in transport/delivery standards so boxes of them get thrown around more.  Don't blame yourself x


how to put a standard USB plug into a port first time, without turning it over, jamming it in and failing, turning it over, doing the same then swearing then realising I was right the first time and miraculously getting it right third time. 

I appreciate they have two open eyes on one side and two closed ones on the other, and it should be possible to get it right first time by putting it in "open side up", but the Devil takes over and makes this impossible. I do not know why he has chosen to manifest his control of me via the USB plugs. Suppose he was bored.

Swimming and running efficiently. I have terrible form/gait notwithstanding I am reasonably coordinated and sporty

Do you let it get up to room temperature before starting Badman?

That's a shame. Whenever I mess up steak it feels like such a waste.

Keepy-uppies. I always lose control of the ball after about 5.

Also, it’s impossible to cook steak badly.

Steak is like sex - even when it’s bad - it’s good.

Like bananaman riding a bike no hands is something I have never got the hang of

Keeping calm in the face of stupidity on the roads.

Waiting at the lights. I am four cars back from the front and the front moves, but car No.2 is slow off the mark. Two seconds later...

Car behind me beeps and when I check the mirror it's a young female waiving her arms about as if the say *Get on with it*

One second later and I'm "F*** you you F******g F*******tard. Where do I F****** go with two cars in front of me! F*** Off!!"

...and relax

reversing directly into a parking space. I can sort of do it, but deffo no master.

I dont mean reverse parking, on the road side, i can do that a doddle, all in one movement.

Balloons.  Can't blow the feckers up, can't tie the knot without it vamoosing around the room. 

Remembering to put a bin bag in the bin after taking out the old one.


Hula hoop

Flip turns at the end of a swimming lane

Mutters - may be easier to remember the seam on the bottom of the USB, kind of like an arse crack. Since someone pointed that out to me I've never got it wrong. 



heading in football

it’s perceives as a low grade skill for some reason

it’s fooking rock

I can imagine having Leo Messi’s skill set more readily than I can imagine having say Tony Cascarino’s.

Reprogramming the wifi, entering passwords on TV apps and resetting clocks on the oven and microwave after power cuts. 

Replacing the ink cartridges in the fxxxxxx printer

Making decent pastry 


“resetting clocks on the oven and microwave after power cuts”


why the fook aren’t such devices wifi enabled so they can get the time off the internet fgs

Using the mobile and texting etc with one hand.

Driving.As one of the world's natural non-drivers I have failed a few tests and that's it; no more for me. Though driving isn't simple if one is a learner.



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