Field Fisher Waterhouse Managing Partner Michael Chissick paces the boardroom. He needs a new name and a fresh image, fast. Enter advertising guru Charles Saatchi.

Chissick: Saatchi, you're late. Where's the firm's new name?

Saatchi: What do you mean?

Chissisk: The new name. We've got this one.



Saatchi: I love it. It's perfect. They're going to go crazy for it.

Chissick: That's the old one.

Saatchi: It's stiff, it's boring, I hate it. Yuck. Get out of here, stinky.

Chissick: So where's the new one?

Saatchi: Well, this is off the top of my head, but -

Chissick: What do you mean? You've had six months to work on it.

Saatchi: I have? Of course I have. That's just an expression we use in the ad world. It's off the top of my head, after a six month journey from the bottom of my head. I need the toilet.

Saatchi dissapears into a cubicle. There are sounds of frantic cutting and sellotaping. After five minutes he returns.

Saatchi: Say hello to your new name.



Chissick: You've just taken out the gaps.

Saatchi: Exactly. Who likes gaps? Nobody. Good for nothing except trapping food.

Chissick: Do we have to say it quicker? FieldFisherWaterhouse.

Saatchi: FieldFisherWaterhouse.

Chissick: FieldFisherWaterhouse.

Saatchi: FieldFisherWaterhouse.

Chissick: FieldFisherWaterhouse.

A worried PA appears at the door. Chissick waves her away.

Saatchi:  It gives you a sense of urgency.

Chissick: It's quite a mouthful though. Can we make it snappier?

Saatchi: Right! It's about 300 letters long for God's sake. Say hello to your new name.


Chissick: I like it. But is it maybe too snappy?

Saatchi: It's a lot quicker to type.

Chissick. I don't know. "We're a law firm built around people - F". It sounds like we've been given a bad grade.

Saatchi: I hear what you're saying, Chisel.

Chissick: Chissick.

Saatchi: Say hello to your new logo.



Saatchi: Best grade there is.

Chissick: "We're a law firm built around people - A". Now it sounds like we're marking ourselves.

Saatchi: And giving yourselves an A. It's arrogant. Let's roll it back.



Chissick: Hello!

Saatchi: For another million I can make it pop.

Chissick: I shouldn't, but go on.

Saatchi: You know what scares people in a name?

Chissick: 'Hitler'?

Saatchi: Don't joke with me Chisel, I'm liable to attack you.

Chissick: Sorry.

Saatchi: Good Chisel. No, capital letters. Think about it. Death. Gore. Murder. They all begin with capital letters.

Chissick: Only when they're at the start of a sentence.

Saatchi: Say hello to your new name.



Saatchi: Whoops!

Chissick: What was that?

Saatchi: Ignore that. Here you go.



Chissick: I like it.

Saatchi: And it's totally original.

Chissick: Did the ink run out halfway through?

Saatchi: Here's my bill. I'm off to Scott's to batter a trout.

Chissick: You mean, for battered trout.

Saatchi: Sure.

Saatchi dashes out with a huge cheque. Chissick counts himself lucky he wasn't lumbered with a sphincter or a dildo. The new name is a great success.