My plumber hasn't yet set my pool up for the summer.

My complimentary iPhone 16 "high rollas / early adoptas edition" is delayed until Tuesday. 

my builder can't come to adapt my garage to fit all my bikes and my 911 until August

I piled into Starbucks and silver and am now living in an abandoned Debenhams 

The spring has gone in my dishwasher door so you have to open it and lower it manually all the way.

I still feel a bit self conscious checking in at First. 

Royalty ejaculates prematurely 

Doctor still needs to use his finger to check my prostate. 

My  microneedle and plump up solution from Trinny London has given me spots and not the fresh complexion I was promised. 

I got a 5 bed detached house in the commuter belt and its valued less than my flat in London 

I feel guilty about asking our receptionist whether there’s any chance she might see her way to getting in some soya milk for the office kitchen 

My financial advisor proposed a portfolio with too many holdings for it to be simple to balance. 

I am getting slight pain on top of my left foot after jogging

My mortgage fixer ends in November 

After Apple rose 6% last night I don't know whether to take profits. 

I’ve gained a stone from too many marketing lunches and view high-end restaurants purely as a place to do business at no personal cost whatsoever.

I have about half a million airmiles and this is the THIRD time this year I have been on a longhaul trip with no upgrades to first available. 

People here resent my wealth. 

My valet and my butler are both vying for the affection of my housekeeper. The sexual rivalry/jealousy means that no one is properly doing their job.

Heh @ pp

They're taking the printer from my room at work so I'll have to walk to the corridor to print stuff.

I keep tripping over my schlong

Bloody work increased my pension contribution so I go over the annual allowance

My heated steering wheel has stopped heating.

I need a new electric toothbrush

My house is so large that when I make shreddies in my vast well-appointed kitchen they soggy by the time I get it to my home office.

But Shreddies are best soggy...

The automatic steering wheel height adjuster on my LWB A8 (shifts up to facilitate entry)* has stopped working.

*Block that metaphor