I think if you’re in the kind of practice area where the team is expected to work late / all-nighters on a semi-regular basis (eg M&A or litigation) then there’s a valid case for expecting everyone to turn up to some social events out of hours (and I would look askance at someone saying they’ll just make friends over Teams). 

But if you’re some specialist regulatory bod who gives your advice and then passes the deal over it’s not necessary. 

think if you’re in the kind of practice area where the team is expected to work late / all-nighters on a semi-regular basis (eg M&A or litigation) then there’s a valid case for expecting everyone to turn up to some social events out of hours

Surely working all the time, and then spending the one evening you could be doing something else with your work colleagues instead smacks of "Haha!  You have no friends outside work left!  Your wife has left you!  You belong to us now, bubba!"

Whereas the regulatory adviser bod you mention is single, had no friends to start with, but is super happy to go home at a reasonable time and rearrange his or her World of Warcraft figures.

How come you know about world of warcraft pumpkin? 

Hybrid work has sucked the life out of work. I don't think I'll ever make another work friend .

Luckily I am at the point where I no longer give a shyte about career so any worries about going or not going to this or that drinks are purely academic 

Strong heh at Muttley - you can’t have fun at work drinks after a certain age, young people either shun you or act overly polite, also you can’t handle the hang overs and the dread lasts for days 

There are some issues not raised that are relevant
1.  That extra 10 years on from 45 makes 46 seem young and party ready 

2. Long commutes means getting home much later which will wipe out next day at a certain age. 

3. Frankly as a woman it was far more fun serving the drinks as a young woman to a few jolly(not sleazy) guys than it is being an older woman hitting the town with the ‘team’’. I’m sorry if that offends anyone. 

jolly(not sleazy) is good news. That doesnt offend me. Self identifying sleazebuckets who delight in being served by pretty young things in 2024 (not 1974) do offend me. 

Hi

In the 1990s, they sometimes used to have attractive women walking round the bar selling tequilla. Is that still a thing?  I don’t get out much- or not to bars anyway 

Shots of tequila from bandoliers 

And cigarettes

I don’t get out much either but I think it’s still a thing in Ibiza. 

I used to (perhaps naively) feel my work product is what would open doors for me and lead to progression. It did to an extent, but I also saw other less competent lawyers progress based on their social and drinking sessions which I never placed much value on. 

Fast forward 10 years and I’m still the same. But now leading a team and couldn’t care less. 

I do feel my approach was based on the fact I’m a woman and didn’t want to be perceived as someone who was using certain charms to progress or be noticed. People are quick to judge and slander. As a result, I stuck to being strictly professional and didn’t socialise liberally like others. 

I fvcking love a shot of tequila served by a girl in hot pants 

Especially if she's Asian. 

"can quite easily go 6 weeks without seeing them in person"

Guy, so what?  How does that compromise your ability to produce your work / liaise with your clients?

In companies, work socialising is more widespread than ever - perhaps you're just lucky 

Back in the day nothing would have kept me from team drinks on a Thursday - or indeed on any day. I really liked my team and partying. Wouldn't have been up for it in my 40s though.

We don’t tend to do drinks, but most people are in most of the time and it’s great for discussion and collaboration and for training the younger members of the team. I like that aspect but I still have the option to wfh if I need to. It’s a good balance and it works for me. 

What even is "partying" it lies beyond my lexicon

lashin’ it and smashin’ it, drinking hard and talking harder

What Laz said.

It was just having a laff with your team, lubricated by alcohol.

Before I had kids I was well up for the lash with whoever wanted, and Thursday/Friday was essential. 

Now I’d rather be at home, so socialising feels a lot like work.

Also hangovers are much more of a thing now.

Having attractive people serve you food and drinks will quite literally never go out of fashion. They shouldn’t be doing it in their capacity as trainee lawyer though.

I think law firm partners see thier teams as an ersatz family quite often so take umbrage when team members don’t feel the same way. 

Tbf the people who were a bit older (50/60ish) were usually a good laugh - they usually weren’t interested in climbing the greasy pole and had that old person thing where they just say what they think 

This is basically me plus I've been with the firm a long time so can remember some of the junior partners as clueless trainees and will happily provide some tales of such things.

I used to (perhaps naively) feel my work product is what would open doors for me and lead to progression. It did to an extent, but I also saw other less competent lawyers progress based on their social and drinking sessions which I never placed much value on. 

It is a hard pill to swallow mid-career, that one. Here are some hurtful truths:

1. It's possible to be a shit lawyer and make a living and not get caught up with for many
2. Shit lawyers go further than they ought to, and are propelled by bullshit essence which nobody seems keen to call out
3. People who work hard, have an excellent work product, are diligent and responsive and expect that package to do all the work for them and take them to to the top re often disappointed.
4. We all have to accept that there is a nasty dose of "if you can't beat them join them" which we need to swallow in mid career.  You have to accept that the absolute shite of conferences, marketing, utterly corrupt directories etc are a game which, if not played, undermines the value of quality and diligence.
5. As a result there are countless absolute crap hats in our profession who seem to be riding high, in charge, have inexplicably strong reputations who we all know to be dickheads and poor lawyers. But they are playing the game well.

6. There is a reversal of all that in the final reckoning where a few clients say fook this, I want someone who is quietly able, knows his or her business, can be relied on, is sound. Those few enlightened clients turn to those few enlightened practitioners, and all rise above the nonsense, But these are quite slim pickings, inevitably for a few players, many have fallen by the wayside who would have ben good at this and you need to hang on for absolutely ever to access this cleaner air.  It's only just happening for me but it is there.  I cannot say that the wilderness years are justified by the joyous freedom of the new era, but I can see that now is better than then. 

   That shitheads do not die of penis cancer, painfully, for all to see is one of life's serious imperfections.

for many years

what annoys me is that we all KNOW the bullshit merchants are what they are but for some reason no one says "yeah that guy's a bullshit merchant"

ape hierarchies are weird to navigate

anyway to me "partying" doesn't involve hanging out with people of convenient proximity for several hours after the compulsory hours

this is why I love you clergs!

“if any consolation, tipsy older gentleman can be charming whereas tipsy older lady triggers "oh no mum why are you drunk mortifying!" instincts “

the most sexist (our tediously woke brethren would probably call it internalised misogyny) thing I’ve read on rof for ages. 

Laz: back in the early 2000s there was an agency called “Eye Candy Caddies” which organised the sort of golf days you’d have enjoyed. 

Those few enlightened clients turn to those few enlightened practitioners, and all rise above the nonsense,

I have spent a fair bit of time seeking out these clients and also my colleagues who will refer such clients to me because they want someone experienced who will quietly get on with a minimum of fuss.

the Chilean wine offered up for our thursday drinks is, like most chilean wine, very good idea

the sad truth that wine frauds try their hardest to mask is that the “new worldl now consistently produces the best wine across the spectrum