Depends on the availability of Narwhal or other tusks. 

I literally don’t understand how they managed to kill five people in one place just with stabby antics. Firstly, stabbing is a very very unreliable way to kill people. Who did they practice on? Secondly - and I’m not a hard man, there must have been harder men than me present - but I am a decent sized unit, and if I crash through the back of you unawares, you are going to hit the deck and then all bets are off. If I’ve got a sharp broken pint glass in my hand ready to plunge into your neck, all bets are on me.

The Francis "Franco" Begbie of rof. 

I’m millwall 

Play a game. Give someone a Sharpie and wear a white long sleeve. If you can take the Sharpie from them without a single mark, you win.  If they mark you once, you're dead. 

i xceor you’re not actually dead are u

if someone wings you with a knife 

indeed, if someone stabs you properly anywhere there isn’t a significant artery, you’re - not dead

When they wing you, you drop like a fooking stone and the shock stuns you. The second swipe ends you. That's how it works. This is not a 90s action movie where you shrug off a gunshot wound and just run a bit slower. 

So you're saying we should all carry a Sharpie lid in our pocket when boozing in that London? 

Not quite. On any night out, carry a sheath. To protect yourself. 

life absolutely is a 90s action movie ‘88, although your reference point is weird, the go to point for unrealistic action movies is the 80s

also if I knife you in the neck same time you won’t me; me winny win win

All the more reason responsible, law-abiding citizens should be allowed to carry handguns. 🙃

You carry a knife?

and what I’m saying is not that there’s no risk

but that I’d take the risk

yes down the back of my boot

Lol

You can't wear boots in summer. Unless you're a pervert. Oh. 

carry a sheath

Only sailors wear condoms 

so they should, the dirty beggars, they’ve got a girl in every port 

There's a YouTube series, the Ultimate Self Defence Championship, which is excellent. They got 6 YouTube martial artists, all of whom are pretty decently skilled (i.e. almost certainly much more than anyone on this site) and out them through various self defence challenges. Full contact, good stuff. It's an excellent series and I'd recommend it.

Anyway one exercise they did was to put the person in a room with a guy with a marker pen (i.e. a knife) for 20 seconds. If marker pen guy didn't mark their top they got 3 points, if they only got marked in non-vital locations they got 1 point. Otherwise no points.

Each guy got three tries. Across the 18 rounds 1 point was scored in total.

One of them is/was a professional MMA fighter. He did one of the sickest combos I've seen. Kicked the guy in the face with a front kick and dropped straight into a double leg takedown. Beautiful technique and devastating for his opponent. He still got "stabbed" repeatedly.

So yeah, bollocks any of you (or me) are beating a guy with a knife who wants you dead. 

Also Jelly’s stupid construct assumes you see me coming. Mate your sharpie ain’t going to do you no good if i crash upwards into your mid back and by the time you hit the deck you’ve already landed on my well placed broken pint glass and you’re hugging the black. Give over. Angry pisses up rugby guy with the benefit of surprise beats geeky pencil necked fundie-tezz eejit any day the week

er yeah ok a guy with a knife might touch you if you went face to face

we ain’t talking face to face

and it takes more than a touch

Heh. Can we add this to the list of "brilliant business ideas you didn't implement". 

In other news, a middle aged lawyer, historian and not-quite-olympic cyclist died today after challenging a 12 year old knife-wielding thug. He is mourned by an extensive magazine porn collection and a ladder house 

no

for one thing, there is no such list

wood u like to try again while I bang 1999 era lisa faulkner the badd way?

heh

whenever someone starts wanging about how they would fare against someone armed with a knife, I am put in mind of this:

https://youtu.be/G2hcoV-6Lv8?si=9zcjAUBCS0REivnj&t=33

The thing about knives is people panic 

I've had a few pulled on me growing up in Salford 

Basically, never turn your back. Never run. Back off fast and if they come for you slap the c*** hard and don't stop 

That's what I was brought up with 

But if people are running then you can see a person getting a few stabs off, particularly in an environment which people don't expect to be attacked 

Luckily/unluckily I've been brought up to expect violence 

And yes the key is staying alive. Movies will tell you otherwise

yes that’s all fine but what you’re missing is

in the scenario, I am (read: you are) in possession of a knife

note to Davos (and, frankly, all of you): we all know u r not hard

it’s fvcking impossible to land a kill hit on someone who’s moving and aggressively trying to end you, if all you have is a knife

you literally have about five points on the body you can hit, and you have to hit them well, or it’s as much use as a fist

ooh but if you wore a white tank top and someone managed to scratch you with their sharpie ooh ooh

who gives a fvck about being scratched 

Thank fook for insane Kung Fu, eh readers. 

Laz M7 what are you chatting? Public school shite tbh tbh 

Humans are scared of knives 

If someone has pulled one panic sets in 

Only when you've seen it 10+ times can you really expect to control your human emotions 

Public school probably didn't train you for that 

Back off back off and then fooking run when you are clear 

"who gives a fvck about being scratched"

watch the Vunak video for what this scratch would look like

"in the scenario, I am (read: you are) in possession of a knife"

you carry one, do you?

yes I do 

davos m88

let’s meet up for footbakl

Not if you carry a skank pal

I’ll leave it home sun

be fair, I’m from Durham, that’s like Longsight but hard

I've had a few pulled on me growing up in Salford 

Those of us in the know call it Sally. 

davos on getting cockslapped

Sally on the map 

Or getting an Uber to laz's mums house as we used to know it 

Hold on Davos, you said never run. Which is it M8?

Sally bring it up, Sally bring it down. 

0191 in the area fukkaz 

Instructions are clear marshall public school 

Back off back off

Run

Slap if needed 

Never turn your back

Everyone in Trashford carries a blade tbf

Armed police are only ever minutes away but if you want to stop terror attacks like this you need to infiltrate the communities and root them out into custody before they can do any damage. 

Ah, laz and his ever shifting identity crisis 

Sometimes he’s from durham - a town he moved away from as soon as he got the chance over 25 years ago

Or a brummie - because he happened to pop out of old mother laz in the west midlands 

Once he even claimed to be a manc - his grandfather came from cheshire apparently 

In any event, reading his internet rambo ramblings from last night I hope that he has plenty of electrolytes to hand when he wakes up and no heavy machinery to operate

Gr8 thread. Would read again

You’re all assuming it’s hand to hand and face to face.  Unlike WWF if some breaks a chair over your head you generally don’t woozily get back up.

On OP, if you're talking about the one around Borough, I only missed it because I was too hungover from being there the night before so decided not to go out.

If you mean the one on the bridge, I was in LB station when the alarms went off and everyone started jumping on to tubes .. not because we knew what was going on but because we were expecting to get chucked out of the station and have to get buses.. 

Yes, I'd have challenged them if I could.

The London Bridge attacks were designed to be far bigger, with the knives only as a second tactic for mopping up stragglers. They had a van full of homemade napalm type petrol bombs, but never got the chance to use them after they stacked it. Pretty good job really.

Laz you’re a big man but you’re out of shape

With the tezzas it’s a full time job

Goodness me there’s some rufty tufty solicitors on this board