And I certainly don't GAF to pay for what I already know will be an unsatisfying experience
One of the annoying things about 40 year.old virgin (generally a funny film ) is the myopic focus on the mundane act of sex and not the underlying problem of inability to do all the normal social functions that might lead to a normal sexual relationship happening organically . Which I think is the real underlying problem of inceldom. The growth of it is simply a reflection of an atomised society where too many things are done behind a screen , face to face social opportunities are in steep decline , and any real life attempts at courtship are problematised and frowned upon
There'll be no "we sell your stuff on eBay" woman coming along for most of us
Panic attacks have an underlying cause. It might not be immediately obvious but when you analyse it, you'll find the stresser that caused it and you need to confront / resolve that stresser. Samaritans might not have helped here so get a good counsellor, they'll walk you through the steps.
Suicidal ideation is different. Often when SSRI's begin to take affect, you get motivated, so be careful of this. Lexapro is bloody awful, stay the hell away from that if you can. Prozac is better, much milder and fewer withdrawal problems if you miss a pill. You need to address the underlying cause of the ideation. The fact that you're willing to share this with anonymous strangers, you should be able to discuss it with a trusted friend / doctor.
You need to find a goal to distract, one where you see a future achievement. I find that when I pick up my guitar and set out to learn something, every problem melts away because I'm enjoying myself, even when it's frustrating to learn.
ExProsecutor, there have been many threads giving this particular OP lots of sympathy, compassion and constructive advice. As with this one, it is always met with negativity, but positive and constructive advice continues to be offered.
why would he lie about it?! "if he really is" "why won't he take the CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE?"
maybe the advice doesn't work
maybe you can't just peevishly browbeat someone into Being Constructive
stuff is fcking hard and we all know at this age (we know) that a lot of depression and anxiety is effectively untreatable by medicine - which is not the same as saying it will never go away (although for some people it never does) just that "get help" is simplistic - from whom? help must come from within, really, and you need to be feeling the right feelings for that to work
gaga it sounds like a mild breakthrough on this thread - it isn't sex you crave per se but intimacy
What is sanity in the maelstrom? If the presence of clear thinking straight laced folk was the cure there would be no problem as we are all surrounded by them all the time - the blanket of conformist society which sometimes suffocates one. When we are out on the far end of the seesaw we dont need moderate balance on the other side.
inability to do all the normal social functions that might lead to a normal sexual relationship happening organically
You mean simply asking someone how their day was and what they're doing at the weekend, etc. Really not that hard even for an anti-social misfit with no empathy.
Just curious about whether your dismissal of them is based on personal experience.
Playing devil’s advocate - if you’re correct that life is objectively awful, the majority of people are able to find enough pleasure in it not to feel suicidal the most of the time. So your brain is functioning differently. It’s all well and good to tell yourself that we’re all idiots and you’re the only one seeing clearly, but wouldn’t you rather be happy than right?
If you have suffered trauma in the past gaga the studies suggest this will have impacted on key parts of your brain. How you are feeling may not be your fault or currently in your direct control. Interestingly you keep raising this topic suggesting you want to talk which seems like a positive step
I know what you mean about Samaritans and helplines.
It really might be worth looking at what makes your brain produce the panic attacks, as Eugenie and penguin said.
Trauma doesn't have to come from a major event to change your reactions. Have you felt like this all your life? Was there a happier state you'd like to get back to?
If you contact your GP / call 111 or 999, you should end up with recommendations and referral wherever this is coming from.
If you want to keep control yourself and can have a look around the BACP website for someone you could work with, just sending them an email enquiry might give you space to wait and see what comes of it.
Think about whether it might be trauma. Was there a change from one version of you to another? Worth considering if so, and then get a specialist.
SSRIs may help fast but won't help immediately, and no guarantee. Think about whose expertise you might use and see if you can find them.
And if you have a triangle of choices - I could do the things I feel I should do, I could do the things that would make me less unhappy, or I could give up because I can't do the things I should do, choose option B for now at least.
I know at least three people who killed themselves over work or life problems that would have worked themselves out with time. They were all older than me. Now I'm older than they got to be and I look back and think what a waste. Nothing in life is eternal. You may have good reasons for panic attacks and worse. They may well pass or you may get rid of them. Good luck.
I had an insane psychiatrist who was also quite obnoxious. He very obviously didn’t like people much. I looked him up after a couple of sessions and a few years previously he had been investigated in relation to allegations he’d shouted and sworn at a patient and basically told them to get a grip.
Anyway. He was brilliant and much better than a number of psychologists I’d seen before. He set me on the path to a much better frame of mind and I no longer go to bed hoping not to wake up.
Most workplace Health Insurance policies will pay for a surprising amount of mental health treatment, including in-patient costs. I got 2 months at the Priory on mine which will have cost £40-50k, then weekly therapy for about 3 months
A good dog is therapy itself (although people that say the best therapists have 4 legs and dogs are better than people are often vile misanthropes who are using the dog/cat as their best friend cos no human who can have opinions will tolerate their bullshit of course ).
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kbo gaga m2, kbo
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Please talk to someone--call the Samaritans
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Why did you say I was having panic attacks, you made it sound like I had a breakdown!
You did, you drove up to Dundee in your bare feet!
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Rof Ribaldry no doubt will smile when reading this. Don’t give him a reason to do so.
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PP yes I've got Google too
Samaritans just dish out the same generic advice you can find anywhere
They mean well and I respect anyone that volunteers to do it but they can't help me . Nor can therapy or SSRIs, which are junk
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That's a shit thing to post on this thread Barry. Shameful.
Hope you're ok gaga.
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Hope you get the help you need gaga pal
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There is no help
It's what I call depressive realism . There's nothing wrong with my brain , life just is objectively shite
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SSRIs, apparently, also make it difficult to orgasm.
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Not being flippant. But pay someone for sex. Ity might help and if you're dead anyway what's the harm?
Mentioning sex because you keep going on with incel culture.
Otherwise please get help in person. A board hosting Bitter lawyers with twisted values and no compassion is the wrong place to talk
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Life isn't objectively crap. And even if it is there are countless examples of people making the best of an objectively shite world. It's possible.
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I have an option to have sex for free
I'm not interested
And I certainly don't GAF to pay for what I already know will be an unsatisfying experience
One of the annoying things about 40 year.old virgin (generally a funny film ) is the myopic focus on the mundane act of sex and not the underlying problem of inability to do all the normal social functions that might lead to a normal sexual relationship happening organically . Which I think is the real underlying problem of inceldom. The growth of it is simply a reflection of an atomised society where too many things are done behind a screen , face to face social opportunities are in steep decline , and any real life attempts at courtship are problematised and frowned upon
There'll be no "we sell your stuff on eBay" woman coming along for most of us
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Panic attacks have an underlying cause. It might not be immediately obvious but when you analyse it, you'll find the stresser that caused it and you need to confront / resolve that stresser. Samaritans might not have helped here so get a good counsellor, they'll walk you through the steps.
Suicidal ideation is different. Often when SSRI's begin to take affect, you get motivated, so be careful of this. Lexapro is bloody awful, stay the hell away from that if you can. Prozac is better, much milder and fewer withdrawal problems if you miss a pill. You need to address the underlying cause of the ideation. The fact that you're willing to share this with anonymous strangers, you should be able to discuss it with a trusted friend / doctor.
You need to find a goal to distract, one where you see a future achievement. I find that when I pick up my guitar and set out to learn something, every problem melts away because I'm enjoying myself, even when it's frustrating to learn.
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If an incel turns down free sex, what does that make them?
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What did Barry post?
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Eddie is right, find a small thing that's joyous and focus on it.
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Great advice. For me, that's my dick.
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ExProsecutor, there have been many threads giving this particular OP lots of sympathy, compassion and constructive advice. As with this one, it is always met with negativity, but positive and constructive advice continues to be offered.
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However, if the OP is really having panic attacks and suicidal thoughts, then proper help should be sought, of course.
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why would he lie about it?! "if he really is" "why won't he take the CONSTRUCTIVE ADVICE?"
maybe the advice doesn't work
maybe you can't just peevishly browbeat someone into Being Constructive
stuff is fcking hard and we all know at this age (we know) that a lot of depression and anxiety is effectively untreatable by medicine - which is not the same as saying it will never go away (although for some people it never does) just that "get help" is simplistic - from whom? help must come from within, really, and you need to be feeling the right feelings for that to work
gaga it sounds like a mild breakthrough on this thread - it isn't sex you crave per se but intimacy
knowledge is power and all that
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This is not a thread where giving some advice is going to be in any manner helpful.
Sorry you have reached this state m8.
I dont think Samaritans or RoFers can offer much or SRIs bluntly aimed at the problem, but a psychiatrist could. Not a psychologist.
I hope for you.
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u gotta be careful tho as some are properly insane themselves
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Rham, I'm not saying he is lying. People say all sorts of things on the internet, create personas, seek attention, and so on.
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What is sanity in the maelstrom? If the presence of clear thinking straight laced folk was the cure there would be no problem as we are all surrounded by them all the time - the blanket of conformist society which sometimes suffocates one. When we are out on the far end of the seesaw we dont need moderate balance on the other side.
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kimmy - you are saying he is lying
you are big mother in law energy these days
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yeah you are right re what is sanity, muttley
and actually a mad psychiatrist can be great - above the conventional and thus able to put minor deviations from the norm in context
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Good luck gaga and keep talking
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Indeed to Peng and Clergs.
Find a way to identify an atom to cling to gaga.
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inability to do all the normal social functions that might lead to a normal sexual relationship happening organically
You mean simply asking someone how their day was and what they're doing at the weekend, etc. Really not that hard even for an anti-social misfit with no empathy.
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some proper khunts on rof
gaga - if you ever want a beer let me know
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A voxel.
@hislordship: work out, get a dog, read the bible.
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Have you tried SSRIs and therapy before?
Just curious about whether your dismissal of them is based on personal experience.
Playing devil’s advocate - if you’re correct that life is objectively awful, the majority of people are able to find enough pleasure in it not to feel suicidal the most of the time. So your brain is functioning differently. It’s all well and good to tell yourself that we’re all idiots and you’re the only one seeing clearly, but wouldn’t you rather be happy than right?
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If you have suffered trauma in the past gaga the studies suggest this will have impacted on key parts of your brain. How you are feeling may not be your fault or currently in your direct control. Interestingly you keep raising this topic suggesting you want to talk which seems like a positive step
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Sorry for your troubles PP but glad you can still find the joy in it.
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Life is not objectively awful for most people (unless we are living under completely delusions of happiness I suppose) so do try to get help.
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I think life is objectively awful and most people kid themselves (the fear of death is odd to me, though)
That said you are here now and probably won't be again so might as well have a scout about and see what you can see before the curtains closed
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In a world where people are reduced to characters from Peanuts I choose Snoopy.
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I know what you mean about Samaritans and helplines.
It really might be worth looking at what makes your brain produce the panic attacks, as Eugenie and penguin said.
Trauma doesn't have to come from a major event to change your reactions. Have you felt like this all your life? Was there a happier state you'd like to get back to?
If you contact your GP / call 111 or 999, you should end up with recommendations and referral wherever this is coming from.
If you want to keep control yourself and can have a look around the BACP website for someone you could work with, just sending them an email enquiry might give you space to wait and see what comes of it.
Think about whether it might be trauma. Was there a change from one version of you to another? Worth considering if so, and then get a specialist.
SSRIs may help fast but won't help immediately, and no guarantee. Think about whose expertise you might use and see if you can find them.
I hope you'll be okay.
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And if you have a triangle of choices - I could do the things I feel I should do, I could do the things that would make me less unhappy, or I could give up because I can't do the things I should do, choose option B for now at least.
I know at least three people who killed themselves over work or life problems that would have worked themselves out with time. They were all older than me. Now I'm older than they got to be and I look back and think what a waste. Nothing in life is eternal. You may have good reasons for panic attacks and worse. They may well pass or you may get rid of them. Good luck.
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I had an insane psychiatrist who was also quite obnoxious. He very obviously didn’t like people much. I looked him up after a couple of sessions and a few years previously he had been investigated in relation to allegations he’d shouted and sworn at a patient and basically told them to get a grip.
Anyway. He was brilliant and much better than a number of psychologists I’d seen before. He set me on the path to a much better frame of mind and I no longer go to bed hoping not to wake up.
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Was he up the night before doing the luge after too much chang?
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Most workplace Health Insurance policies will pay for a surprising amount of mental health treatment, including in-patient costs. I got 2 months at the Priory on mine which will have cost £40-50k, then weekly therapy for about 3 months
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What Warren said. I had 14 months treatment at the Priory all covered by workplace health insurance.
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A good dog is therapy itself (although people that say the best therapists have 4 legs and dogs are better than people are often vile misanthropes who are using the dog/cat as their best friend cos no human who can have opinions will tolerate their bullshit of course ).
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