You are sitting in your drawing room, staring at a blackbird and a robin through the window. A pigeon has also arrived. There are two empty cans of Guinness on your Chippendale coffee table.
> a man dressed in yellow knocks at your front door asking for money. He claims to be from the Dogs' Trust. You enquire whether he has a dog. He tells you of his divorce and how he now lives in a flat. Laminated pictures of cruelly mistreated dogs. After some minutes you weary. A recollection of trusts of imperfect obligation hardens your resolve. Enough. Go. Now.
You look at the feathers and blood settling on your keyboard and for a few brief moments wonder if your decision to work from home full time was the right one.
The dog begins to wretch and heave, its thorax convulses and it throws up a small sharp axe by your feet. Then you hear the pounding of very heavy footsteps coming your way. OH NO A TROLL!
The axe hits the troll in the guts and they begin to spill onto the floor. "Disgusting, reported" says the troll who storms off Northwards, stepping on several rakes as he goes.
1
2
You start to wonder if Chippendale actually made coffee tables. A quick google search confirms he didn’t.
You look for a new can of Guinness.
>
1
2
> Catch the pigeon
1
1
You leave your drawing room with its faux Chippendale furniture and catch the pigeon.
It has a note attached to it.
>
1
2
Burn the note without reading it
>
1
2
You cannot burn the note. You do not have a match.
>
1
2
You are now in your garden. You have a note and a pigeon.
>
1
2
Feed the note to the pigeon
>
1
1
The pigeon greedily gobbles the note.
You are in the garden. You have a pigeon.
>
1
1
Eat pigeon
>
1
1
Time passes. You wait.
1
1
> a man dressed in yellow knocks at your front door asking for money. He claims to be from the Dogs' Trust. You enquire whether he has a dog. He tells you of his divorce and how he now lives in a flat. Laminated pictures of cruelly mistreated dogs. After some minutes you weary. A recollection of trusts of imperfect obligation hardens your resolve. Enough. Go. Now.
3
1
>get undressed and smear pigeon blood everywhere
1
0
You try to eat the pigeon. It pecks you on the nose, hard.
You undress.
You close the door to the chugger.
You are now naked, in your hallway, with a pigeon.
>
1
0
You look at the feathers and blood settling on your keyboard and for a few brief moments wonder if your decision to work from home full time was the right one.
1
1
Do you wish to continue playing the game? Y/N
>
1
1
You google ‘falconhoof and jingle the jester’
You laugh at limmy on YouTube
>
3
1
damn, really should have closed the door first.
>chase down chugger, put his eyes out using pigeon.
1
1
You run west down the lane outside your house. The pigeon attacks the chugger, who flees in terror. You see a strange woman shouting at your pigeon.
>
1
1
>ask woman if she has any items
2
1
ask woman if she knows what the note that you fed to the pigeon said, it might have been important
>
1
0
You speak to the woman. She is ranting incomprehensibly in a thick Scottish accent. She is carrying:
3
1
Ask woman what a woman is.
>
1
0
TAKE KEY
>
1
1
You ask the woman about the note. She tells you it could have led to eternal happiness. Now, you have to find it the hard way.
>
1
1
You take the key. It is gold, important-looking and you have a feeling it might come in handy later on.
You are standing in a lane, naked, with a Scottish woman, a pigeon and a key.
>
1
0
Give her the pigeon.
1
0
The woman runs off with your pigeon.
>
1
1
Slap 3 dux
1
0
ouch
1
1
Force feed key to 3 dux for safekeeping
>
2
1
>sashay north
0
1
To continue playing press ALT+F4
>
1
1
There are no ducks here.
You sashay north. There is a man with a dog standing under a tree.
>
2
0
>waggle privates at man
1
0
He chuckles wrly
>
1
0
Steal dog
1
0
You take the man's dog. It looks hungry. In need of biscuits, in fact.
1
0
>ask dog if it has any items
1
1
Feed the key to the dog
>
1
1
Eat dog
1
1
The dog doesn't want the key. It needs dog biscuits.
The dog has:
1
0
Get collar
>
1
0
You take the collar. It has the name 'Dog' written on it .
3
1
Wait, I’m pretty sure that’s an anagram.
>worship dog
1
0
>ask dog to stop sniffing that area.
>change religion to permit standing-up worship
1
0
Go North
>
1
1
You go north.
There is nothing her except tumbleweed.
>
1
0
Eat tumbleweed
1
1
Is the tumbleweed transgender?
1
1
Go North
>
1
0
Go West (looking for a peaceful life)
1
1
Jim you should take over this text adventure, Dux has given up.
1
1
About to give up myself. No trolls or axes so far.
1
1
The dog begins to wretch and heave, its thorax convulses and it throws up a small sharp axe by your feet. Then you hear the pounding of very heavy footsteps coming your way. OH NO A TROLL!
>
1
1
Pick up axe.
Throw axe at troll.
Hide behind tumbleweed to see if it works.
>
3
1
The axe hits the troll in the guts and they begin to spill onto the floor. "Disgusting, reported" says the troll who storms off Northwards, stepping on several rakes as he goes.
>
1
0
I win!!
I’ve killed Risky!!
2
0
Classic old school rof
<you stand in the place that you are>
Join the discussion