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Let your next career move come to you.

Seeing as the other thread got deleted...

The worst part of the whole thing is the feeling of treading water.  The time frame for making personal plans has slowly shrunk as I can now rarely be sure if the old man will be well enough for me to go and down something a week from now and even that assumes that he doesn't manage to do something that means he physically needs help just doing stuff like getting up.  At the same time there's still a chance that the treatment keeps working and he lives another few years but on the other hand it may be all over in a few months if it stops working and of course there's always the chance of something like a chest infection that carries him off anyway.  It's hard to do anything when you don't know if your current situation will last another couple of months or another couple of years.  It even extends to work as well as I've had a couple of approaches for jobs that sound interesting but dare not move as I know my current place is utterly understanding about suddenly needing to spend a few weeks working from home.  Think you can probably understand why every now and then and find myself thinking that it would all be easier if it was over.

The death of an elderly parent is not comparable to the death of a young spouse. Someone who has young children. 

Obviously it’s inconvenient for you to have to live with uncertainty you’re living with and that’s relatable. It doesn’t prevent the other thread from having been in appallingly bad taste though. 

Sorry to hear that sails. Got an elderly parent who has little quality of life and friends in the same boat  as you and as a society I do wonder if keeping people alive at all costs for years is really sensible.

eugenie25 Mar 24 14:14

The death of an elderly parent is not comparable to the death of a young spouse. Someone who has young children. 

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true Eugenie

however, in the context, said young spouse has about 400 servants, wet nurses, tutors, nannies and at least in theory an 80,000 strong army to help out 

whereas Sails doesn't even have a competent letterbox repairman to lend a hand with his codgery burdens 

It doesn’t matter how many staff he has if he has to watch his children grow up motherless. 

I’m trying really hard not to trauma dump on you here dude, but it’s not easy.

His quality of life is generally fine and he's happy pottering along.  The current blip is largely his own fault as he decided to try taking a short cut on the stairs despite it being obvious that if you're legs and weak and you're balance isn't good then squatting and bending over at the same time is unlikely to end well.  He ended up on the floor and was fine until the weekend but seems that bashing his chest in the process may have upset his chest which has always been a problem.  He's also struggling to stand up because he relies on his arms and of course they hurt because of the big bruise on his chest.  If he'd just walked down two more steps normally we wouldn't have had to cancel half of this week already.

Eugenie I've just been through exactly that process with one of my oldest friends and his wife and there's a lot of overlap to be honest and we all have our own ways of dealing with it but some times you do just have to laugh as it's better than the alternatives.

Yeah, I get it. My parents are 85 and 77, and neither is particularly capable.

To be widowed young (particularly where there are children involved) is a whole other thing though. 

To joke about the possibility of it happening to someone else…

I don’t know - there seems to be a bit of an empathy shortage going on. 

Not sure why other thread was deleted,seems some peoples opinion on what is bad taste is taken more seriously than the numerous racist posts that have been allowed to stand over the years.

not comparable to the death of a young spouse. 

Oh FGS.  K9 is very much alive and, unlike most of her subjects, isn't going to have to worry about things like NHS waiting lists.  Unless you know something about her medical condition that we don't... 

One GP home visit later and seems that because his chest is sore he's not breathing properly and also not coughing up phlegm properly so codeine and antibiotics to zap any chest infection but if his wheezing gets worse it's hospital and intravenous drugs.  All for the sake of walking down and up an extra couple of steps.

In my family we've covered everything from children dying before their parents to young spouses with kids dying to middle aged spouses with 20 something children dying and they're all a bit sh*t really.

Well thanks. But just so we’re clear, the pulling of the original thread was not through any objection of mine.

It’s not that we shouldn’t be making jokes like that in case I see them. We just shouldn’t. 

the original thread did it's job, it seems likely, in the event that Kate's illness is serious, that we will get a mass public hysteria driven by press cannonisation of Kate

a bit bummed not to get people's take on what Wills is really like, I suspect (and I might be unfair about it) that he is a bit colder than people assume and will be shacked up with the first doe eyed generic artisto waif he claps eyes on before the bed sheets are properly cold 

I support freedom of speech even if it upsets people.  The Kahn review is out https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/the-khan-review-threats-to-social-cohesion-and-democratic-resilience/the-khan-review-executive-summary-key-findings-and-recommendations and that poor teacher just doing his job who 3 years on is still in hiding is very sad.

 

 If people  upset they can just not read threads or newspapers etc. I am obviously also very sorry for anyone who dies, particularly younger people when it is not expected with their whole lives ahead of them. We had a few years of deaths - children's all 4 grandparents. My parents died in their 70s. It is a very sad phase. If people want a list of when a death is worse than another I am sure AI or all of us can come up with a chart of which age is worst to die. Obviously if  someone famous dies some people think that is worse than if someone ordinary does so I suppose we could that to our assessment tool. 9/11 deaths v hutus killing tutsis etc. All very sad.

yeah, okay but this is not about Eugenie's tragedy which we all feel bad about even if we forgot and went gungho into a tasteless poll of public opinion

this thread is about whether Sails needs to hand his old boy the mallet of dignity and encourage the old boy to do a Captain Oats before going for a splash about on his massive yacht for the easter weekend with whatever nutter he is courting off of Bumble or Grinder or ShuggaDaddie4Mee this week cause we all know if you take a girl out on your boat you're guaranteed to get oiled up and fcuking in now time

granted that may occur because of the implication of being alone out in the middle of the sea with a rabid conveyancing pirate but I guess you have to take your wins where you can get them these days 

I think that a lot of blokes are weird cold sociopaths or just sufficiently socially awkward that they appear that way

If you are a gratitude therapy person (not sure if I am, maybe a bit) at least they're not in your intimate life 

encourage the old boy to do a Captain Oats before going for a splash about on his massive yacht for the easter weekend with whatever nutter he is courting off of Bumble or Grinder or ShuggaDaddie4Mee this week cause we all know if you take a girl out on your boat you're guaranteed to get oiled up and fcuking in now time

hehsome though that is (NB. are you suggesting that Saildad was a very naughty fella in his youth?) - there is a peace of mind that can be had in a pastime one loves that for some can bring the most profound solace in times of deep personal sadness.  When you get into the rhythm of the ocean and the way of a boat, you can truly be with your own thoughts, without distractions, without expectations.  And the dead are past caring what you do anyway.  

I'd gladly, and completely without guilt, be out on the water the weekend after either of my parents died.  

Sails your father's quality of life is his own affair as is his disregard for his safety, you have told us loads of times he just wont listen to advice!

And that is abs fine, its his life.

But what is not fine is that you have become his drudge, you realy really really have to oganise some outside help, regardless of his views, you are entitled to your own life. If he were properly cared for (and not all the time by you) everyone might be a lot happier. Spoken as one who had nearly 10 years of it - they are now both in care homes and you still have to go to hosp with them etc a care home is not a get out of jail free card - but you have to be able to plan your life, take holidays, develop your career etc

 

Rhamnousia25 Mar 24 16:35

I think that a lot of blokes are weird cold sociopaths or just sufficiently socially awkward that they appear that way

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after about 30 you lose all your friends and become massively socially isolated unless you are a sport weirdo and even then an hour a week isn't much socialising 

I'm honestly surprised there aren't more random axe murders, probably the ready availability of pron and interweb conspiracy theories saving hundreds of lives a year 

Minis he only needs occasional help when he’s done something dumb so definitely not a drudge and this is very much a temporary situation and I’m excited by the slightly more distant future.  

As for career development I gave up on that before he was even ill and as soon as I no longer have the olds to support I’m retiring.  I’m really just looking at trying to move to something closer to home although I think that may be financially unfeasible for now.

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