Poor old Keith Vaz, publicly shamed by the Sunday Mirror. He says that it is "deeply disturbing" that a newspaper could mount such a sting campaign. And indeed it is ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS that a man who chairs a committee looking into decriminalising prostitution and drugs should be revealed as having bareback chemsex fourways with Eastern European hookers.

Vaz has instructed Mark Stephens of Howard Kennedy to try and get him out of this mess. Stephens does not come cheap, all those woolly jumpers don't pay for themselves. Vaz, as a member of the Privy Council, is clearly beyond reproach and has obviously never taken a backhander in his life. So he's presumably having to meet his legal fees out of his less than generous MP's salary.

Singing poppers, and rubbers, alive alive-oh!

Indeed so hard up is the Member for Leicester East that he appears to have been unable to run to some prophylactics when enjoying the services of said hookers. Come on Keith, rubber up or leave it out, you know that. As a fellow solicitor fallen upon hard times it behoves the profession to help him out. Please send all you can afford to "Rubber Up Vaz", c/o RollOnFriday, Hamilton House, 1 Temple Avenue, London, EC4Y 0HA and help us hit our target of £8 for a pack of 12 "tight pleasure" ESP condoms.

RoF Towers will cover the cost of sending the johnnies to his constituency office.