There's been superb work from Roffers on the discussion board who have dedicated their considerable brainpower to noting down why lawyers are like condoms. Some of it is publishable.

1. "They are there for safety, they are the facilitators, they don't make the decisions which matter and don't get the real pleasure from sealing the deal" - Seagulled (we...probably shouldn't have allowed that screen name)

2. "They come in an assortment of colours and when they inevitably break you are just left with a dick" - Wellington

3. "They are only really important when you are about to get f**ked" - Le Chiffre




4. "And, having served their purpose, are discarded with disgust" - Abdul Abuldul Amir

5. "No one likes using them" - Cookie

6. "You know you're supposed to use one, but they're a pain in the ass - and what could possibly go wrong if you didn't?" - Abdul Abuldul Amir

7. "If you give them a quick wash in warm water you can use them again" - Wellington

8. "They are an awkward formality in an otherwise enjoyable exercise" - backhaul

9. "They are frequently out of date having suffered long periods without the sechs" - Wellington

10. "What they do is great while it lasts but leave it too long and they're full of holes and you are left with carrying a liability you really did not want" - Le Chiffre

11. "A waste of money if you pull out before completion" - World Cupcake

12. "Those that aren't stuck up c***s are almost certainly going to be stuck up arseholes" - Briefs

13. "They are often ribbed" - Old Git Roundabout

Indeed, Old Git Roundabout, indeed. They are also embarrassing to be caught with in public, snuff out the hopes of millions and, if worn by your partner before sex, reduce your risk of pregnancy by 98%.

If you would like to spend your time being constructive, do visit the board.