If you tell a solicitor she's like a vicious dog in the receptive period of its sexual cycle, she may well be nonplussed. Offended, even. By and large, you shouldn't do it.

Try it at BPS Family Law, however, and they will use you on their marketing.

See Caroline Swain, a partner who really needs to check the firm's profile of her.

"Alluding confidence in the law she has the essential foundations of knowledge which is a must within any strong lawyer", it promises, leaving readers wondering if the original version had her 'exuding confidence in the law' or the less likely but appealingly self-deprecating, 'eluding confidence in the law'.

Don't take the firm's garbled word for it, though - how's this for a testimonial: 

A certain breed of solicitor loves to promise to bite the other side's legs off, but so few allude to humping their client's afterwards.

That's not to say all lawyers are shy of expressing their romantic preferences. Take John, for example. Please, take John.

Likes: Racing nuns around in a Ferrari

Dislikes: Own terror of female sexuality, SlutWalks

Back to typos, and Susie Flook, the Body Shop's former General Counsel, really needs to give her LinkedIn profile a quick spring clean.

For example, it should be arrrpirate ethics, not corpirate ethics.

And, while commendable, honesty isn't always the best policy.

"Jack Sparrow would no doubt of approved of 'corpirate ethics'", wrote our tipster, "but 'spurned profitable growth' smacks more of Captain Pugwash".

If you've spotted any bon mots, whip 'em in.