"They should make an action figure of YOU, sir."
Knights, the listed law firm with the rollercoaster share price, had an all-hands conference in Birmingham last Friday where the emphasis was firmly on FUN.
A commendable decision, as focussing on tanking investments would have been a massive downer. And anyway, these firm-wide knees-ups are supposed to be optimistic, giving bosses the chance to strut their stuff on stage and wow the troops with their best Steve Jobs impression. As such, they serve as a great catalyst for buttkissing, exemplified by the perfect specimen which was birthed onto LinkedIn this week already tugging its forelock, courtesy of a lackey in the Knights marketing team:
"I've been to a few conferences in my time - and listened to a number of business leaders too. But - NEVER have I been to a conference that was on the same brilliant level as our conference on Friday", frothed the grateful witness.
Such was his excitement at being in the same vast conference centre as his loaded chief exec, he could barely get his words out: "And I've yet meet [sic] someone with a vision or as brilliant a business leader as David Beech. Knights - the team, we have a vision, we have a superb culture and I am beyond pleased to be a part of it! Well done for a brilliant day! Looking forward to us all achieving the growth that was mentioned. Looking forward to playing my part and helping support my colleagues in anyway I can!"
A source said- sorry, one second.
A source said, "Beech sold his shares to investors at 3.80. Those shares are now 1.23. I’m sure the investors who bought them don’t consider him a brilliant business leader. The ROF golden turd award suggests it’s a shit culture. But in the Knights cult you gotta Toady baby."
What absolute tosh. Knights' share price is rebounding as we speak, I'll have that cynic know:
It's called a convention bounce, baby, and with acquisitions like Coffin Mew lined up, there's plenty more where that came from. As ever, ROF's unregulated advice for which we have no liability is: strong buy.