Shoosmiths future trainees have defended the firm's decision to defer their training contracts without compensation in a spectacularly crawling open letter to The Lawyer.

The trainees admitted that they were "disappointed in the way that the economic downturn has impacted [their] future plans". But they said that they fully understood the reasons behind Shoosmiths decision, and then embarked on a bout of brown-nosing that would shame Smithers.

Phrases such as "we are resolved to rise to the challenge of succeeding in these tough times, together", "one of the chief reasons we remain attracted to Shoosmiths is the quality of the way they do things" and "together we will progress and prevail through this economic downturn" are enough to test the most hardened of stomachs. Also, "the quality of the way they do things..." Like what? Being tighter than any other firm in the country?

A future Shoosmiths trainee being fisted

But the real mystery is in the comment "we understand that we are not receiving any cash offers from Shoosmiths in recompense, but we look forward to supporting each other in more practical ways through these deferred years". What practical ways? Pimping each other out? Organising a begging syndicate?

A spokesman for the firm categorically denied that the firm's HR department had anything to do with the letter, and said that it was "all their own work".