^{"Hurry up, kids, the law firm's about to start!"}

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A conveyancing firm has figured out how to make buying a house a lot less stressful and a lot more fun: PIRATES.

Standing out from the High Street crowd, Clutton Cox has devoted an impressive amount of thought to its piratical theme, applying a pirate analogy to every single stage of the home buying process. It’s the obvious choice, and baffling that no-one else thought of it first.

The pirate aesthetic is 'CBeebies' rather than 'contemporary', presumably because desperate Somalis threatening hostages on oil tankers would give the wrong impression to first time buyers.

Even Captain Philips' crippling PTSD would dissipate in the company of Cap'n Hoot, a friendly cartoon owl who serves as the firm's guide.

Clicking on the lifebelt takes sellers to Cap'n Hoot's welcome scroll, where they are invited to “climb aboard the Conveyancing Adventure” and "set sail" for home ownership.

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^{Permission to come aboard, Cap'n!}

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The legal language of conveyancing can be confusing, but Clutton Cox realised that all the stages involved in buying a house synch perfectly with a typical seafaring quest. And so can be overlaid seamlessly with a treasure map.

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^{Real estate departments need to pay attention and start getting sea monsters into their deal checklist.}

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Just as a successful pirate must search for rocks in the sea, a real estate lawyer must search for problems with a property.

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A piratical approach solves all sorts of problems. When a lawyer starts speaking, they sound like a snooty British naval officer who wants to clamp down on high seas freedoms, and clients tune out. But when a non-threatening, swashbuckling owl says: "Just do it", they'll hop to it with a shanty on their lips. 

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^{"I will, Cap'n Hoot, you loveable goof!"}

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Even the pain of discovering that your dream home is sinking into toxic sludge is bearable when it's Cap'n Hoot delivering the news.

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^{It's a story and a lesson. Lovely stuff.}

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With interest rates rocketing and offers being withdrawn daily, mortgages can very appropriately be equated with a deep sea beast smashing your plans apart and dragging you down, down, down. But Clutton Cox's kraken is cute, because while this may be the most important purchase of your life, there's no need to catastrophise the end of your home buying journey.

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^{It's got 6(%) tentacles.}

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Navigate past the terrors and a smiling Cap'n Hoot will let you know that he can spy the Land Registry's approval of the transfer, subject to a delay of up to 18 months due to staffing issues and a huge backlog. 

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Some solicitors run off with the purchase monies and leave their clients high and dry, but they are bad pirates, unlike Cap'n Hoot and his human crew who keep booty in separate accounts in accordance with SRA accounting rules.

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^{"Har harr. I be lookin' after it only."}

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A source said, "Their website is - by any definition - bonkers. I'm not sure equating lawyers with pirates is quite the look the profession is aiming for".

But scholars of the field have pointed out that some of the most infamous pirate captains were better behaved than legend suggests, operating by a strict pirate code which actually enshrined fair pay and crew equality.

So ROF applauds Cap'n Hoot and his democratic ways, even if he has to keelhaul Clutton Cox staff caught playing dice for money.

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